Tough Times

I had to go pay respects and condolences to a university friend who spent the last month attempting to save her mother’s life.

When did we grow up?

When did we become the adults responsible for making such harsh decisions?

Our friend has had to navigate hell, two chronic illnesses, greedy doctors, incompetent nurses and surgery & chemo complications.

She had to make a series of decisions that may potentially save her or risk expediting her demise.

The thought of being responsible for the well-being of loved ones is scary.

Having to do so in such dire conditions is terrifying.

Healthcare in Egypt breaks my heart.

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Fragile strength

The title of the post is borrowed from the lyrics to the song Gravity… where Sara Bareilles complains that all her fragile strength is gone. Yet these days some circumstances are making me wonder if our strengths are by definition fragile.. All the things that are perceived as good about us, are also the source of our demise.

Here we are, a generation who’s brilliance makes us unorthodox and crazy; our creativity makes us emotional, vulnerable and excessively sensitive at times; our ambition makes us impatient; our exposure makes us harsh…

A generation pre-formatted to be prone to extreme mood swings.. pre-destined to greatness… pre-destined to depression… pre-destined to change the world… or having failed… leave it…

إرادة الحياة

إذا الشّعْبُ يَوْمَاً أرَادَ الْحَيَـاةَ فَلا بُدَّ أنْ يَسْتَجِيبَ القَـدَر

وَلا بُـدَّ لِلَّيـْلِ أنْ يَنْجَلِــي وَلا بُدَّ للقَيْدِ أَنْ يَـنْكَسِـر

وَمَنْ لَمْ يُعَانِقْهُ شَوْقُ الْحَيَـاةِ تَبَخَّـرَ في جَوِّهَـا وَانْدَثَـر

فَوَيْلٌ لِمَنْ لَمْ تَشُقْـهُ الْحَيَاةُ مِنْ صَفْعَـةِ العَـدَم المُنْتَصِر

كَذلِكَ قَالَـتْ لِـيَ الكَائِنَاتُ وَحَدّثَنـي رُوحُـهَا المُسْتَتِر

وَدَمدَمَتِ الرِّيحُ بَيْنَ الفِجَاجِ وَفَوْقَ الجِبَال وَتَحْتَ الشَّجَر

إذَا مَا طَمَحْـتُ إلِـى غَـايَةٍ رَكِبْتُ الْمُنَى وَنَسِيتُ الحَذَر

وَلَمْ أَتَجَنَّبْ وُعُـورَ الشِّعَـابِ وَلا كُبَّـةَ اللَّهَـبِ المُسْتَعِـر

وَمَنْ لا يُحِبّ صُعُودَ الجِبَـالِ يَعِشْ أَبَدَ الدَّهْرِ بَيْنَ الحُفَـر

فَعَجَّتْ بِقَلْبِي دِمَاءُ الشَّبَـابِ وَضَجَّتْ بِصَدْرِي رِيَاحٌ أُخَر

وَأَطْرَقْتُ ، أُصْغِي لِقَصْفِ الرُّعُودِ وَعَزْفِ الرِّيَاح وَوَقْعِ المَطَـر

وَقَالَتْ لِيَ الأَرْضُ – لَمَّا سَأَلْتُ : ” أَيَـا أُمُّ هَلْ تَكْرَهِينَ البَشَر؟”

“أُبَارِكُ في النَّاسِ أَهْلَ الطُّمُوحِ وَمَنْ يَسْتَلِـذُّ رُكُوبَ الخَطَـر

وأَلْعَنُ مَنْ لا يُمَاشِي الزَّمَـانَ وَيَقْنَعُ بِالعَيْـشِ عَيْشِ الحَجَر

هُوَ الكَوْنُ حَيٌّ ، يُحِـبُّ الحَيَاةَ وَيَحْتَقِرُ الْمَيْتَ مَهْمَا كَـبُر

فَلا الأُفْقُ يَحْضُنُ مَيْتَ الطُّيُورِ وَلا النَّحْلُ يَلْثِمُ مَيْتَ الزَّهَــر

وَلَـوْلا أُمُومَةُ قَلْبِي الرَّؤُوم لَمَا ضَمَّتِ المَيْتَ تِلْكَ الحُفَـر

فَوَيْلٌ لِمَنْ لَمْ تَشُقْـهُ الحَيَـاةُ مِنْ لَعْنَةِ العَـدَمِ المُنْتَصِـر

وفي لَيْلَةٍ مِنْ لَيَالِي الخَرِيفِ مُثَقَّلَـةٍ بِالأََسَـى وَالضَّجَـر

سَكِرْتُ بِهَا مِنْ ضِياءِ النُّجُومِ وَغَنَّيْتُ لِلْحُزْنِ حَتَّى سَكِـر

سَأَلْتُ الدُّجَى: هَلْ تُعِيدُ الْحَيَاةُ لِمَا أَذْبَلَتْـهُ رَبِيعَ العُمُـر؟

فَلَمْ تَتَكَلَّمْ شِفَـاهُ الظَّلامِ وَلَمْ تَتَرَنَّـمْ عَذَارَى السَّحَر

وَقَالَ لِيَ الْغَـابُ في رِقَّـةٍ مُحَبَّبـَةٍ مِثْلَ خَفْـقِ الْوَتَـر

يَجِيءُ الشِّتَاءُ ، شِتَاءُ الضَّبَابِ شِتَاءُ الثُّلُوجِ ، شِتَاءُ الْمَطَـر

فَيَنْطَفِىء السِّحْرُ ، سِحْرُ الغُصُونِ وَسِحْرُ الزُّهُورِ وَسِحْرُ الثَّمَر

وَسِحْرُ الْمَسَاءِ الشَّجِيِّ الوَدِيعِ وَسِحْرُ الْمُرُوجِ الشَّهِيّ العَطِر

وَتَهْوِي الْغُصُونُ وَأَوْرَاقُـهَا وَأَزْهَـارُ عَهْدٍ حَبِيبٍ نَضِـر

وَتَلْهُو بِهَا الرِّيحُ في كُلِّ وَادٍ وَيَدْفنُـهَا السَّيْـلُ أنَّى عَـبَر

وَيَفْنَى الجَمِيعُ كَحُلْمٍ بَدِيـعٍ تَأَلَّـقَ في مُهْجَـةٍ وَانْدَثَـر

وَتَبْقَى البُـذُورُ التي حُمِّلَـتْ ذَخِيـرَةَ عُمْرٍ جَمِـيلٍ غَـبَر

وَذِكْرَى فُصُول ٍ ، وَرُؤْيَا حَيَاةٍ وَأَشْبَاح دُنْيَا تَلاشَتْ زُمَـر

مُعَانِقَـةً وَهْيَ تَحْـتَ الضَّبَابِ وَتَحْتَ الثُّلُوجِ وَتَحْـتَ الْمَدَر

لَطِيفَ الحَيَـاةِ الذي لا يُمَـلُّ وَقَلْبَ الرَّبِيعِ الشَّذِيِّ الخَضِر

وَحَالِمَـةً بِأَغَـانِـي الطُّيُـورِ وَعِطْرِ الزُّهُورِ وَطَعْمِ الثَّمَـر

وَمَا هُـوَ إِلاَّ كَخَفْـقِ الجَنَاحِ حَتَّـى نَمَا شَوْقُـهَا وَانْتَصَـر

فصدّعت الأرض من فوقـها وأبصرت الكون عذب الصور

وجـاءَ الربيـعُ بأنغامـه وأحلامـهِ وصِبـاهُ العطِـر

وقبلّـها قبـلاً في الشفـاه تعيد الشباب الذي قد غبـر

وقالَ لَهَا : قد مُنحـتِ الحياةَ وخُلّدتِ في نسلكِ الْمُدّخـر

وباركـكِ النـورُ فاستقبـلي شبابَ الحياةِ وخصبَ العُمر

ومن تعبـدُ النـورَ أحلامـهُ يباركهُ النـورُ أنّـى ظَهر

إليك الفضاء ، إليك الضيـاء إليك الثرى الحالِمِ الْمُزْدَهِر

إليك الجمال الذي لا يبيـد إليك الوجود الرحيب النضر

فميدي كما شئتِ فوق الحقول بِحلو الثمار وغـض الزهـر

وناجي النسيم وناجي الغيـوم وناجي النجوم وناجي القمـر

وناجـي الحيـاة وأشواقـها وفتنـة هذا الوجـود الأغـر

وشف الدجى عن جمال عميقٍ يشب الخيـال ويذكي الفكر

ومُدَّ عَلَى الْكَوْنِ سِحْرٌ غَرِيبٌ يُصَـرِّفُهُ سَـاحِـرٌ مُقْـتَدِر

وَضَاءَتْ شُمُوعُ النُّجُومِ الوِضَاء وَضَاعَ البَخُورُ ، بَخُورُ الزَّهَر

وَرَفْرَفَ رُوحٌ غَرِيبُ الجَمَالِ بِأَجْنِحَـةٍ مِنْ ضِيَاءِ الْقَمَـر

وَرَنَّ نَشِيدُ الْحَيَاةِ الْمُقَـدَّسِ في هَيْكَـلٍ حَالِمٍ قَدْ سُـحِر

وَأَعْلَنَ في الْكَوْنِ أَنَّ الطُّمُوحَ لَهِيبُ الْحَيَـاةِ وَرُوحُ الظَّفَـر

إِذَا طَمَحَتْ لِلْحَيَاةِ النُّفُوسُ فَلا بُدَّ أَنْ يَسْتَجِيبَ الْقَـدَرْ

Maybe In Another Universe, I Deserve You

I love her train of thought. The concept is articulated brilliantly. I can completely relate.
“Maybe there’s a universe where I don’t covet so much all the time and where I’m content and where I don’t wonder about picking up and moving to Japan without saying anything to anyone and where at this very juncture, I can just know I’ll always want to come home and cook dinner with you.”

http://thoughtcatalog.com/gaby-dunn/2012/05/maybe-in-another-universe-i-deserve-you/

Thought Catalog

What if, in another universe, I deserve you?

Hear me out. There’s this philosopher from the 1890s named William James, and he coined this theory about “the multiverse” which suggests that a hypothetical set of multiple universes comprises everything that can possibly exist simultaneously.

Are you following? The entirety of space, time, matter and energy is all happening at once in different timelines: It’s the idea of parallel universes. Right? So okay, let’s presume the multiverse is real.

Well then, maybe somewhere in those infinite universes is one, or several, where I deserve you.

Maybe there’s a universe out there — happening now — where we end up together and when I close my eyes at night, I’m not dreaming the way a normal person would. Instead I’m seeing flashes of our lives in the multiverse. They’re not simple dreams because I miss you, right? They’re scientific, anachronistic visions.

For…

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Bones Like Iron Blood Like Mercury

Note to person in question: You Deserve BETTER!

Ramblings of the Disoriented Mind

To the same theme.. a poem I wrote a while back.

I want bones like iron….. blood like mercury
Such that you no longer have an effect on me

Aspiring to be superman for just this time
How I crave immunity from your eyes and your lies

How I long to be free from those insomnic nights
To move on, break out, take a risk and dive

I want bones like iron….. blood like mercury
Such that you no longer have an effect on me

Unbreakable, that’s what I want to be
Too late for that, now that you’ve broken me

Time after time, you come and make amends
I yearned to believe you, to forgive, to accept

I want bones like iron….. blood like mercury
Such that you no longer have an effect on me

Oh that damned little heart of mine
I’ll never understand why you still reside…

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Yet Again

At the end when you cut to the bone, we are all essentially the same; we are women of great expectations. I realized that sitting across the table from them, that despite the variation of our chosen paths we were quintessentially suffering from the same syndrome… insecurity…the plague of this century.
I never learn, I’m always surprised, as if it’s the first incident, as if I’m hearing it all for the first time. Women; amazing women; women of great intellect, looks, grace and social status; women from which you’d expect “I’m queen of the universe” attitude but whom never act on it. These seemingly spectacular beings all fail to see themselves in that light. Suffering from major esteem issues, seeking validation from the external world.
We are all almost the same age, typical quarter life crisis psychiatric test candidates. We shared the same fear, the same sadness so to speak, the same sense of failure and self disappointment. Plagued by unmet targets, un-achieved destinies, unrealized dreams and plans postponed or altered with an endless stream of plan Bs and contingencies as we strive to reach our goal.
I’m tempted beyond description to blame the goals, to blame our naïve childish aspirations, to claim that we had set our expectations too high, that we aimed for the sun neglecting the light-years that separate us. Yet I’d like to think that those far-fetched ambitious dreams were not out of reach, that we have it in us to rock the world, to reach the sun to have no limit. That it is not our dreams that were faulty but our rockets low on fuel, that we somehow lost steam or got lost along the way. ~ To Each Her Own

I am one for shameless self advertising. Yet I assure you that this is not one of these incidents. I’m just stunned at how rapidly and how intensely this theme is taking over my life. My entire 9 to 5 circle fits the above description to a T. I find myself baffled and speechless over and over again. So decided to put it in writing, in public, in the hope that it would boost my credibility. Perhaps my ineffective commentary and irrelevant perspective would take on weight when backed up by this blog’s kind and generous readership base. Or perhaps we come across as more sincere and more convincing when we scream things louder. Consider this my megaphone.

The top 10 reasons you are awesome (you know who you are mat-harageesh):

1) You are strong. I am in awe of your strength. I can not begin to imagine how you are able to carry the weight of all the drama and all the challenges and curve balls that life throws your way and still emerge smiling and victorious.

2) You are independent. You are not a spoiled brat waiting to have life handed to you. You are not clueless. You are on top of things. You can take charge and make magic happen.

3) You are stunning. Not workplace harassment, scout’s honour! Yet one would have to be blind or jealous to see you as otherwise. 

4) You are smart. Believe me, that is not a compliment I dish out often. We live in an era of mediocrity and stupidity. Your brain and how it processes is a sliver of positiveness in my otherwise bleak outlook on Egypt. 

5) You are helpful. You have a genuine interest in making people’s lives easier and making yourself useful. It is a blessing from God and a very non-selfish outlook to life.

6) You are dedicated. You would work through a storm and food poisoning and then some. I can’t believe the number of times I have had to beg you to go home.

7) You are spiritual. I love the simplicity and the genuineness with which you tackle the spiritual and religious aspects of life. It is non-superficial and fundamentally profound. 

8) You are talented. Uniquely so, in all things related to design and aesthetics with a special focus on fashion. You have an individual style to how you dress and how you envision or dress others.

9) You are ambitious. You know what you want and you fight for it and you seek to achieve it.

10) You care. You get touched by the simplest things. It is flooring to the person on the receiving end of the gratitude.

I could go on for considerably longer but I like round numbers (a).

Elif Shafak – The 40 Rules of Love

Rule 1
How we see God is a direct reflection of how we see ourselves. If God brings to mind mostly fear and blame, it means there is too much fear and blame welled inside us. If we see God as full of love and compassion, so are we.

Rule 2
The path to the Truth is a labour of the heart, not of the head. Make your heart your primary guide! Not your mind. Meet, challenge and ultimately prevail over your nafs (self, psyche, soul) with your heart. Knowing your ego will lead you to the knowledge of God.

Rule 3
You can study God through everything and everyone in the universe, because God is not confined in a mosque, synagogue or church. But if you are still in need of knowing where exactly His abode is, there is only one place to look for him: in the heart of a true lover.

Rule 4
Intellect and love are made of different materials. Intellect ties people in knots and risks nothing, but love dissolves all tangles and risks everything. Intellect is always cautious and advises, ‘Beware too much ecstasy’, whereas love says, ‘Oh, never mind! Take the plunge!’ Intellect does not easily break down, whereas love can effortlessly reduce itself to rubble. But treasures are hidden among ruins. A broken heart hides treasures.

Rule 5
Most of problems of the world stem from linguistic mistakes and simple misunderstanding. Don’t ever take words at face value. When you step into the zone of love, language, as we know it becomes obsolete. That which cannot be put into words can only be grasped through silence.

Rule 6
Loneliness and solitude are two different things. When you are lonely, it is easy to delude yourself into believing that you are on the right path. Solitude is better for us, as it means being alone without feeling lonely. But eventually it is the best to find a person who will be your mirror. Remember only in another person’s heart can you truly see yourself and the presence of God within you.

Rule 7
Whatever happens in your life, no matter how troubling things might seem, do not enter the neighbourhood of despair. Even when all doors remain closed, God will open up a new path only for you. Be thankful! It is easy to be thankful when all is well. A Sufi is thankful not only for what he has been given but also for all that he has been denied.

Rule 8
Patience does not mean to passively endure. It means to look at the end of a process. What does patience mean? It means to look at the thorn and see the rose, to look at the night and see the dawn. Impatience means to be shortsighted as to not be able to see the outcome. The lovers of God never run out of patience, for they know that time is needed for the crescent moon to become full.

Rule 9
East, west, south, or north makes little difference. No matter what your destination, just be sure to make every journey a journey within. If you travel within, you’ll travel the whole wide world and beyond.

Rule 10
The midwife knows that when there is no pain, the way for the baby cannot be opened and the mother cannot give birth. Likewise, for a new self to be born, hardship is necessary. Just as clay needs to go through intense heat to become strong, Love can only be perfected in pain.

Rule 11
The quest for love changes user. There is no seeker among those who search for love who has not matured on the way. The moment you start looking for love, you start to change within and without.

Rule 12
There are more fake gurus and false teachers in this world than the number of stars in the visible universe. Don’t confuse power-driven, self-centered people with true mentors. A genuine spiritual master will not direct your attention to himself or herself and will not expect absolute obedience or utter admiration from you, but instead will help you to appreciate and admire your inner self. True mentors are as transparent as glass. They let the light of God pass through them.

Rule 13
Try not to resist the changes, which come your way. Instead let life live through you. And do not worry that your life is turning upside down. How do you know that the side you are used to is better than the one to come?

Rule 14
God is busy with the completion of your work, both outwardly and inwardly. He is fully occupied with you. Every human being is a work in progress that is slowly but inexorably moving toward perfection. We are each an unfinished work of art both waiting and striving to be completed. God deals with each of us separately because humanity is fine art of skilled penmanship where every single dot is equally important for the entire picture.

Rule 15
It’s easy to love a perfect God, unblemished and infallible that He is. What is far more difficult is to love fellow human being with all their imperfections and defects. Remember, one can only know what one is capable of loving. There is no wisdom without love. Unless we learn to love God’s creation, we can neither truly love nor truly know God.

Rule 16
Real faith is the one inside. The rest simply washes off. There is only one type of dirt that cannot be cleansed with pure water, and that is the stain of hatred and bigotry contaminating the soul. You can purify your body through abstinence and fasting, but only love will purify your heart.

Rule 17
The whole universe is contained within a single human being-you. Everything that you see around, including the things that you might not be fond of and even the people you despise or abhor, is present within you in varying degrees. Therefore, do not look for Sheitan outside yourself either. The devil is not an extraordinary force that attacks from without. It is an ordinary voice within. If you set to know yourself fully, facing with honesty and hardness.

Rule 18
If you want to change the ways others treat you, you should first change the way you treat yourself, fully and sincerely, there is no way you can be loved. Once you achieve that stage, however, be thankful for every thorn that others might throw at you. It is a sign that you will soon be showered in roses.

Rule 19
Fret not where the road will take you. Instead concentrate on the first step. That is the hardest part and that is what you are responsible for. Once you take that step let everything do what it naturally does and the rest will follow. Don’t go with the flow. Be the flow.

Rule 20
We were all created in His image, and yet we were each created different and unique. No two people are alike. No hearts beat to the same rhythm. If God had wanted everyone to be the same, He would have made it so. Therefore, disrespecting differences and imposing your thoughts on others is an amount to disrespecting God’s holy scheme.

Rule 21
When a true lover of God goes into a tavern, the tavern becomes his chamber of prayer, but when a wine bibber goes into the same chamber, it becomes his tavern. In everything we do, it is our hearts that make the difference, not our outer appearance. Sufis do not judge other people on how they look or who they are. When a Sufi stares at someone, he keeps both eyes closed instead opens a third eye – the eye that sees the inner realm.

Rule 22
Life is a temporary loan and this world is nothing but a sketchy imitation of Reality. Only children would mistake a toy for the real thing. And yet human beings either become infatuated with the toy or disrespectfully break it and throw it aside. In this life stay away from all kinds of extremities, for they will destroy your inner balance. Sufis do not go to extremes. A Sufi always remains mild and moderate.

Rule 23
The human being has a unique place among God’s creation. “I breathed into him of My Spirit,” God says. Each and every one of us without exception is designed to be God’s delegate on earth. Ask yourself, just how often do you behave like a delegate, if you ever do so? Remember, it fells upon each of us to discover the divine spirit inside and live by it.

Rule 24
Hell is in the here and now. So is heaven. Quit worrying about hell or dreaming about heaven, as they are both present inside this very moment. Every time we fall in love, we ascend to heaven. Every time we hate, envy or fight someone we tumble straight into the fires of hell.

Rule 25
Each and every reader comprehends the Holy Qur’an on a different level of tandem with the depth of his understanding. There are four levels of insight. The first level is the outer meaning and it is the one that the majority of the people are content with. Next is the Batin – the inner level. Third, there is the inner of the inner. And the fourth level is so deep it cannot be put into words and is therefore bound to remain indescribable.

Rule 26
The universe is one being. Everything and everyone is interconnected through an invisible web of stories. Whether we are aware of it or not, we are all in a silent conversation. Do no harm. Practice compassion. And do not gossip behind anyone’s back – not even a seemingly innocent remark! The words that come out of our mouths do not vanish but are perpetually stored in infinite space and they will come back to us in due time. One man’s pain will hurt us all. One man’s joy will make everyone smile.

Rule 27
Whatever you speak, good or evil, will somehow come back to you. Therefore, if there is someone who harbours ill thoughts about you, saying similarly bad things about him will only make matters worse. You will be locked in a vicious circle of malevolent energy. Instead for forty days and nights say and think nice things about that person. Everything will be different at the end of 40 days, because you will be different inside.

Rule 28
The past is an interpretation. The future is on illusion. The world does not move through time as if it were a straight line, proceeding from the past to the future. Instead time moves through and within us, in endless spirals. Eternity does not mean infinite time, but simply timelessness. If you want to experience eternal illumination, put the past and the future out of your mind and remain within the present moment.

Rule 29
Destiny doesn’t mean that your life has been strictly predetermined. Therefore, to live everything to the fate and to not actively contribute to the music of the universe is a sign of sheer ignorance. The music of the universe is all pervading and it is composed on 40 different levels. Your destiny is the level where you play your tune. You might not change your instrument but how well to play is entirely in your hands.

Rule 30
The true Sufi is such that even when he is unjustly accused, attacked and condemned from all sides, he patiently endures, uttering not a single bad word about any of his critics. A Sufi never apportions blame. How can there be opponents or rivals or even “others” when there is no “self” in the first place? How can there be anyone to blame when there is only One?

Rule 31
If you want to strengthen your faith, you will need to soften inside. For your faith to be rock solid, your heart needs to be as soft as a feather. Through an illness, accident, loss or fright, one way or another, we are all faced with incidents that teach us how to become less selfish and judgmental and more compassionate and generous. Yet some of us learn the lesson and manage to become milder, while some others end up becoming even harsher than before…

Rule 32
Nothing should stand between you and God. No imams, priests, rabbits or any other custodians of moral or religious leadership. Not spiritual masters and not even your faith. Believe in your values and your rules, but never lord them over others. If you keep breaking other people’s hearts, whatever religious duty you perform is no good. Stay away from all sorts of idolatry, for they will blur your vision. Let God and only God be your guide. Learn the Truth, my friend, but be careful not to make a fetish out of your truths.

Rule 33
While everyone in this world strives to get somewhere and become someone, only to leave it all behind after death, you aim for the supreme stage of nothingness. Live this life as light and empty as the number zero. We are no different from a pot. It is not the decorations outside but the emptiness inside that holds us straight. Just like that, it is not what we aspire to achieve but the consciousness of nothingness that keeps us going.

Rule 34
Submission does not mean being weak or passive. It leads to neither fatalism nor capitulation. Just the opposite. True power resides in submission a power that comes within. Those who submit to the divine essence of life will live in unperturbed tranquility and peace even the whole wide world goes through turbulence after turbulence.

Rule 35
In this world, it is not similarities or regularities that take us a step forward, but blunt opposites. And all the opposites in the universe are present within each and every one of us. Therefore the believer needs to meet the unbeliever residing within. And the nonbeliever should get to know the silent faithful in him. Until the day one reaches the stage of Insane-I Kamil, the perfect human being, faith is a gradual process and one that necessitates its seeming opposite: disbelief.

Rule 36
This world is erected upon the principle of reciprocity. Neither a drop of kindness nor a speck of evil will remain un-reciprocated. For not the plots, deceptions, or tricks of other people. If somebody is setting a trap, remember, so is God. He is the biggest plotter. Not even a leaf stirs outside God’s knowledge. Simply and fully believe in that. Whatever God does, He does it beautifully.

Rule 37
God is a meticulous clock maker. So precise is His order that everything on earth happens in its own time. Neither a minute late nor a minute early. And for everyone without exception, the clock works accurately. For each there is a time to love and a time to die.

Rule 38
It is never too late to ask yourself, “Am I ready to change the life I am living? Am I ready to change within?” Even if a single day in your life is the same as the day before, it surely is a pity. At every moment and with each new breath, one should be renewed and renewed again. There is only one-way to be born into a new life: to die before death.

Rule 39
While the part change, the whole always remains the same. For every thief who departs this world, a new one is born. And every descent person who passes away is replaced by a new one. In this way not only does nothing remain the same but also nothing ever really changes. For every Sufi who dies, another is born somewhere.

Rule 40
A life without love is of no account. Don’t ask yourself what kind of love you should seek, spiritual or material, divine or mundane, Eastern or Western. Divisions only lead to more divisions. Love has no labels, no definitions. It is what it is, pure and simple. Love is the water of life. And a lover is a soul of fire! The universe turns differently when fire loves water.

To Die For

Not to sound insensitive, yet I feel there is an overwhelming fixation in Cairo with the idea of dying for something. I recently lost a good friend so a bit melodramatic in that regard. Yet putting that aside, kindly observe the extent to which death is always dragged into the discussion. Fanatics and regular Joe(s) are constantly using this as the ultimate benchmark, your willingness to die for a cause.

I have heard people claim they would die for loved ones, an ideology, a cause, a religion, a country, a way of life, the revolution, etc..

I appreciate the sacrifice involved, I do. I understand why that would come across as the ultimate level of commitment and dedication.

I am just posing a slightly different question, what in life are you willing to LIVE for? Like really live for, dedicate a lifetime to working towards and spare no time, effort, energy, spirit, heart, soul and money towards making it happen.

Would you live your life working diligently towards a better Egypt, towards the achievement of a specific goal, towards furthering a cause you believe in? Would you live to spread and ensure the success of that idea, cause, religion, ideology, political party, etc?

I really hope that the answer is yes more often. I really wish we would start living for our dreams and causes. Too much has already been lost. Too many martyrs. I really hope we can work on the ground day in day out on making sure their sacrifice was worth it, that our causes have a chance because we LIVED for them.

Guide to Economic Recovery

3 years later. We are pretty much where we were on the economic front. Outlook remains shady yet the recommendations remain constant. I still wish there were more consistent efforts by the economic community to spread awareness and to educate.

Ramblings of the Disoriented Mind

Kindly check your political views at the door.

Many of you have been calling and e-mailing asking for my “economic” view on what’s happening, forecasted impact on the economy and what can be done.

I would much prefer to focus on the last point because worrying and fretting about impact is a useless exercise while exploring what we can do might actually have some good.

1) Regarding the campaign to invest 100 LE in the Egyptian Stock Market. In my humble opinion this is a minimum impact exercise, the only ones who stand to really gain are those seeking to currently exit the market and the brokerage companies. The money you invest goes into the pockets of previous owners of that stock, the company itself (whose stock you are buying) does not benefit. This money will not result in production or job generation, let alone any impact on the real…

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My Keys

My mother, the most awesome being alive, is unwell these days. Prayers are highly welcome. Hence in tribute to her divine existence and in an attempt to sooth my frayed nerves and avert a panic-attack, I am sharing a post from 2006 in remembrance. I echo these prayers today. “May you all never have to carry keys to your homes.”

“This harmless bunch of shiny objects doesn’t include a key to our house. Yet that is so symbolic of my life as a whole. My conditional independence. My parents over-protectiveness. My general lack of responsibilities. A total care-freedom. Most of all, its a reminder, that anytime I get home, no matter what my arrival time is, there is always going to be someone there. That all my family are well, that my mother or grandma are going to lovingly open the door, ask how my day has been, feed me and tell me about theirs. May I never have to carry a key to our door.”

Ramblings of the Disoriented Mind

Do you believe objects have memories? That day to day mundane objects that you carry or that lie around the house in fact remember where they’ve been. Could it be possible that the secrets of history and the way we used to be are locked up embedded in wood and stone, completely unaccessible.

It sits there on my desk, even as I type this, it seems it is forever around, if somebody was ever to write my biography it would be such a good source, if only it could speak. Most of you have already seen it, the massive bunch of things that constitutes my “keys”. Yet calling them keys is really a lie, for its just one key and a bunch of chains.

It’s funny, I never purchase key chains when I’m abroad. I am a firm believer that travel is a gift in itself, the sights and sounds…

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Overwhelmed

I am in no way expecting this to go viral or to turn into some sort of campaign. I am writing this down because the thought behind it has been haunting me all morning and I feel absolutely obligated to document it and act upon it.

Dear Former Boss/ Mentor/ Professor,

I know we do not speak or meet regularly, yet no day goes by that you do not cross my mind. Not in an intentional and deliberate way, but rather in a casual familiarity brought forth by the daily nuances that make me who I am. For that, quintessentially, is who I am. I am made up of  millions of little fragments of wisdom, advise, habits, ethics, routines, ideologies, opinions and perceptions to life adopted and adapted from you.

It is so easy to forget that, in the hectic self-absorbing daily life. Yet today I wanted to pause and reflect, to reach out to you and let you know. I am thankful for your time, effort and attention. I am thankful for every time you gave a damn. I am grateful for all the positive reinforcement and the harsh critique. I am incredibly and overwhelmingly thankful. You have had a profound and fundamental effect on who I am, how I think, how I approach life and how I evaluate things.

Yet it extends beyond the philosophical and the ideological to the most mundane and routine tasks. I actually remember different people with gratitude every time I do basic algebra in my head, reference I.G.C.S.E o-levels, tutor economics, use excel or powerpoint features, draft a work e-mail, decide on what to wear to a client meeting or count to 10 before having a fit.

I quote you…. constantly… over the most random and trivial of things. I speak of you fondly and often. I hope that by some stroke of luck you end up reading this note on this little corner of the Egyptian blogosphere. Yet if that does not pan out; I vow to make more of an effort in 2014 to drop you a line every now and then to make sure you are well and to let you know that you are on the minds of your students and former employees & colleagues everywhere.

Love..

2011 Wishes

Pre-revolution I had reached the conclusions that the things we need most in Egypt are tolerance, awareness, self growth and serenity. This still holds true now as 2013 has come to a close.
Yet for 2014 I just wish you all peace of mind. It is the one thing I have missed the most in 2013 and which I’ve seen people struggle with the most. Peace of mind with all it entails. The courage to do the right thing. The maturity to know what the right thing is. The faith not to struggle with the decision once it has been made. Peace of mind.

Ramblings of the Disoriented Mind

  • Tolerance.
  • Awareness.
  • Growth.
  • Serenity.
  • Health.
  • Change.
  • Challenge.
  • Learning.
  • Courage to start over.
  • Travel.
  • Acceptance.
  • Freedom of want/need.
  • Cool bosses, productive subordinates and fun coworkers.
  • Time to smell the roses.

For a wordier list of wishes, see here.

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Picture Perfect

Hmm, so I went through with it. Best decision I ever made. Would love you input on my attempts. You can check out the makeshift portfolio here: http://500px.com/InjiAmr

Ramblings of the Disoriented Mind

These days I’m finding myself increasingly attracted to the idea of a semi-professional camera. I don’t believe I have an innate talent for photography. Whatever decent shots I’ve taken, I’ve taken by pure dumb luck and due to the fact that mother nature is so overwhelmingly beautiful at times, that it is impossible to take a bad shot.

When you think of someone, especially someone you know well, the mental image that you get of them, that’s who they are in your eyes. It is the time you feel they are most genuine or most themselves, or perhaps the best possible version of themselves. They are probably moments you’ve captured and retained from real life. From a smile over a cup of coffee who’s odor made someone beam with happiness. Or the image of them smiling a certain way, using a particular hand gesture, saying a particular phrase.

For instance to this…

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1984 – 2013

“The Party seeks power entirely for its own sake. We are not interested in the good of others; we are interested solely in power, pure power. What pure power means you will understand presently. We are different from the oligarchies of the past in that we know what we are doing. All the others, even those who resembled ourselves, were cowards and hypocrites. The German Nazis and the Russian Communists came very close to us in their methods, but they never had the courage to recognize their own motives. They pretended, perhaps they even believed, that they had seized power unwillingly and for a limited time, and that just around the corner there lay a paradise where human beings would be free and equal. We are not like that. We know that no one ever seizes power with the intention of relinquishing it. Power is not a means; it is an end. One does not establish a dictatorship in order to safeguard a revolution; one makes the revolution in order to establish the dictatorship. The object of persecution is persecution. The object of torture is torture. The object of power is power. Now you begin to understand me.”

مرسال لحبيبتي


حَبِيبْتِي 

..شَرْطَه مَايْلَه
..فَرَاغْ
وهَاكْتُبْ لِيهْ حُرُوفْ إِسْمِكْ؟
مَا هُو انْتِي فْ قَلْبِي سَاكْنَه الْقَلْب
عَارْفَه بْقِصِّتِي وْحَالِي
ومِينْ غِيرِكْ فِي قَلْبِي اكْتُبْ لُه مِرْسَالِي؟
..و…… أَمَّا بَعْد
مَانِيشْ عَارِفْ جَوَابِي دَا جَوَابِي الكَّامْ
مَا عُدتِشْ بَاحْسِب الصّفْحَاتْ
مَا عُدتِشْ بَاحْسِب الاّقْلاَمْ
مَا عُدتِشْ بَاحْسِب اللّي ضَاعْ مِن الأَحْلاَمْ
..كِفَايَه انِّي بَاحِبِّكْ بس
..وقَلْبِكْ لَوْ بِقَلْبِي حسّ

أَوْ شَافْ حَالُه فِي بْعَادِكْ
!لَصَلَّى لْرَبُّه واسْتَغْفَرْ لِذَنْبُه…وْصَامْ
قُولِي لِي ازّايْ أَحِبِّكْ حُبّ يِرْضِيكِي؟
أَنَا تَايِهْ… وِنِفْسِي اوْصَلْ أَرَاضِيكِي
دَا لَوْ كَان الْهَوَا بِالسُّهْد
..انَا سِيدُهْ
ولَوْ قُلْتِي انّ حُبِّكْ صُوم
..أَنَا عِيدُهْ
ولَوْ حُبِّك فِدَاهْ قَلْبِي
أَقَطَّعْ قَلْبِي مِيتْ مَرَّهْ
..وَاقَدِّمْ لِكْ عَنَاقِيدُهْ
!وِبِتْقُولِي بَاحِبِّكْ لِيهْ؟
وهُوَّ الْقَلْب مِتْعَذِّبْ كِدَه بْإِيدُهْ؟
بَاحِبِّكْ… حَتَّى لَوْ بِاب الْقُبُول اتْسَدّ
وهَاتْخَيِّلْ صَدَى صُوتِي بِيَاخُدْ كِلْمِتِي وْيِرْجَعْ مَعَاه الرَّدّ
:ولَوْ قُلْتِي لِي مِيتْ مَرَّهْ
..”أَنَا عُمْرِي مَا حَبِّيتْ حَدّ”
هَازيد الْكِلْمَه مِيتْ مَرَّهْ
دِي نُقْطِةْ مَيَّه مِ الْمَطَرَهْ إِذَا فَاضِتْ
..تِهِدّ السَّدّ
وحَتَّى لَوْ فَارِقْتِينِي
..هَاحِبِّكْ فِي الْفُرَاقْ بَرْضُهْ
هَوَاكِي فْ قَلْبِي لَوْ شُفْتِيهْ
..نَوَافْلُه وْسُنِّتُه وْفَرْضُهْ
وحُبِّكْ أَرْضُه
لَوْ تِنْسِيهْ… هَيِنْسَى ازّايْ حَنِينْ أَرْضُهْ؟
ويَامَا فْ نِفْسِي
يَامَا فْ نِفْسِي
تِيجِي لْقَلْبِي وِتْحِنِّي
..ولاَزِمْ تِعْرَفِي إِنِّي
..لاَ انَا عَفْرِيتْ وَلاَ جِنِّي
..بَاحِبِّكْ… بَسّ إِيدِي اقْصَرْ كِتِيرْ مِنِّي
فَمِشْ هَاْقدَرْ
أَجِيبْ لِكْ مِ الدَّهَبْ كَفَّهْ
وَاجِيبْ لِكْ مِ اليَاقُوتْ كَفَّهْ
ومِشْ هَاْقدَرْ
أِجِيب الْوَالِي فِي الزَّفَّهْ
ومِشْ هَاْقدَرْ
أَجِيبْ لِكْ بِيتْ
يِمُوت الْقَطْر لَوْ لَفّ فْ حِمَاه لَفَّهْ
كِفَايَه انِّي بَاحِبِّكْ مُوتْ
وحُبّ النَّاسْ نَدَامَه وْعَارْ
وحُبِّي عَكْسهُمْ عِفَّهْ
ولَوْ تِرْضِي فَعَنْدِي شْرُوطْ
أَنَا طَبْعاً بَاحِبِّكْ مُوتْ
ولَكِنْ بَرْضُه لِيَّه شْرُوطْ
أَنَا عَايْزِكْ تِكُونِي فِي الْوَرِيدْ دَمُّهْ
وِتِبْقِي فْ عَقْلِي انَا هَمُّهْ
وِتِبْقِي وَرْد جُوَّا الْقَلْب
غِيرِي يْشُوفُه يِتْحَسَّرْ… وَلاَ يْشِمُّهْ
وعايزك تفهميني لو كلامي طلّ من رمشي
وعَايِزْ رِمْشِك الْجَارِحْ
صِرَاطْ يِجْرَحْ فُؤَادْ غِيرِي مَايِرْحَمْشِي
وَانَااجِيلِك
أَعَدِّي فُوقْ صِرَاطْ رِمْشِكْ… وَلاَ اخَافْشِي
وحَتَّى لَوْ وِقِعْت فْ يُومْ مِن الْخَضَّهْ
أَقَعْ فِي عْينِيكِي وَاتْوَضَّا
وَاصَلِّي رَكْعِتِينْ لله
وَابُوسْ نِنّ الْعِينِينْ
..وَامْشِي
لاَ انَا طَمَّاعْ
وَلاَ فْ طَبْعِي الأَنَانِيَّهْ
بَاحِبِّكْ
وانْتِي انَا طَبْعاً
ومَا اسْمَحْشِي لِحَدّ يْكُونْ شِرِيكْ فِيَّهْ
وقَبْل مَا يِخْلَص الْمِرْسَالْ
:بَاعِتْ لِكْ مِنْ عِينَيَّه سُؤَالْ
وهُوَّ الْحُبّ كَانْ عِيبَهْ؟
ولَوْ مَرَّهْ حِلِمْت بْضِحْكِتِكْ فِي النُّومْ
عَلَيَّهْ تِتْحَسَبْ غِيبَهْ؟
وفِي الآَخِرْ
بَاعِتْ لِكْ وَيَّا مِرْسَالِي الْجِدِيدْ أَحْلاَمْ
بَلاَشْ تِرْمِيهَا كَالْعَادَه مِنَ اعْلَى الْبُرْجْ
وِخَايِفْ يِبْقَى مِرْسَالِي نِهَايْتُهْ زَيّ أَجْدَادُهْ
!فِي قَلْب الدُّرْجْ
جَنَايِنْ قَلْبِي رَاحْ تِفْضَلْ ولَوْ طَال الْبِعَادْ فَاتْحَهْ
بَاحِبـِّــكْ
قُلْتهَا بِالْكَسْرَهْ
!!!نِفْسِي اسْمَعْهَا بِالْفَتْحَهْ

أشرف توفيق من ديوان يحمل نفس الاسم

دين أبونا

قصيده رائعه للشاعر جمال بخيت

دين أبونا يا مسلمين 

في يقيني .. أعز دين

 كلمة النور الأمين ..كلمة الحق المبين ..

 حكمة يكتبها الالة فوق جبين الطيبين

دين أبونا يامحمد ..انت سره ومبتداه ..

انت احساسة ومداة … 

دقة عارفينها فقلوبنا لما نخشع للالة

لما نطلب يو م رضاة

لما نركع 

لما نسجد 

لما نفرح بالحياة

 دين ابونا ابراهيم .. رش جمر النار حنين ..

ع الخرايط …والاماكن…

اتولدنا …طوافين … ذاكرين

 دين ابويا لو مسيحي .. رحمة للعالمين ..

نصرة لاجل المظلومين

كلمة الحب اللي بايس الصليب جوا الكنايس ندهة الأجراس لمريم

والأمان للمجدلية

رحمة ليكو ورحمة ليا

المسيح شايل ألمنا لجل يهدينا السلام ..

خد أيمن خد أيسر

العبادة ماهيش كلام

عيش باسم الانسانية وانسي… نية تدفعك للانتقام 

دين أبويا دين الهي

أينما كان اتجاهي

حتي لو كان دين يهودي .. احنا مش ضد اليهود

موسي في القرآن وليد يحضنة نيل الخلود

بين ادية تسعي عصاتة

حية

وجدودنا شهود

سحرا آمنو برب موسي

انقسملو بحر عاتي والجبل عرف السجود

رجعت الحية عصايا

حضنت التوراة وصايا

أوعي تقتل

اوعي تسرق

اوعي تزني

أوعي تقبل بالخضوع

بحر خير الكون يوايتي لما نفردلة القلوع

والجحيم ياكل سنينكم

لو فقير فيكم يجوع

الوصايا هي هي

أرتضيها زي ماهي

في ضميري وفوق شفاهي

دين أبويا دين الهي أينما كان اتجاهي

حتي لو كان مش الهي

المجوسي يترعب من نار ويعبد الالة اللي فخيالة

لية حرامو ولية حلالة

تسمعة فمعبد دعاة

تلهمة رعشة رجاة

للبقر ناس يعبدوة ويدينولو بالولاء

موش غباء

تعرفو في البقرة اية بيقدسوة ؟

العطاء

دين أبويا

أي دين

فية عصاة أو مخطئين

بس في نهاية المطاف

فية ملايكة ومؤمنين

والرضا للصالحين

والهنا للصابرين

فية ملاذ للعابدين الشاكرين المشتاقين رغم الضياع لليقين

دين ابويا اي دين

اللي انا بقي معرفوش

الوحوش الكروش

اللي لو طالو رقابينا بينهشو مبيرحموش

دين ابوهم اسمو اية

اللي داسو فوق رؤسنا بالبيادة

اللي مشيو بالبلاد للبلادة

اللي فتاويهم فساد للعقل يقضي ع العبادة

اللي مسحو م الايات معني الشهادة

لوثو الدم فعروقنا سدو عين الشمس فوقنا

سرقو ضوؤنا

صادرو نيلنا ودفعونا تمن وضوؤنا

دين أبوهم اسمو اية؟

اللي باعو وطن بحالة

خضرتة وصفرة رمالة

نسوتة وشهوة رجالة بهجتة ودمة وعيالة

خطوتة وسنين نضالة ثورتة ضد احتلالة 

دين ابوهم اسمة اية؟

مين الهة

مين رسولة

فين كتابة

فية ملايكة ولا غابو

فية شياطين ولا تابو لما شافو التابعين شرهم زاد عن جهنم

شر لا يمكن حسابة

دين ابوهم

حتي فرعون اللي صدق

انة من نسل الة

واللي قال انة الالة

كان بيبني الاهراماتت للمات قبل الحياة

كانلة بعث

ويوم حساب

كان لة دولة

حضور ادارة كان منارة ترشد الكون للحضارة

كانلة جيش فارض وجودة كان محارب بين جنودة

ولما يتجاوز حدودة كانلة رب يغرقة وينقذ يهودة

حتي فرعون اللي صدق انة من نسل الالة 

واللي قال انة الالة كانلة كهنة في العلوم

يقرو في كتاب الكواكب يرصدو سير النجوم 

يفتحولو سكك ببان في سراديب الزمان

ويقولو ازاي يدور 

حنطوة

خلدوة 

بالمعاني والمباني والرسوم 

كانو كهنة مؤمنين خلو كلمة مصر دين

حاضرة في العهد القديم حاضرة في العهد الجديد

حاضرة في القران حضور

الأيات فيها تدور مفردة عز وجلال معلنة وبين السطور

تخترع ثانية وشهور 

تخترع شعر وبحور حتي فلاحنا الفصيح

شكوتو بتشع نور

اية يا مصر

اية يا رض الطيبين

اللي حكمو في الزمان دا يبقو مين

دين ابوهم اسمة اية؟

حد يعرف فيكو دين كل اتباعة لصوص

او قوادين

في المعاصي مولودين

في الكراسي مأبدين 

في التفاهة معدودين

في السفاهة مفرودين

ع البلاهة مسنودين

للشراهة مجندين

ع القرف متعودين

ع الشرف متمردين

ع الوطن متمردين

بالخيانة موحدين

اللي يعرف دين كدا يقولي اسمة اية؟!