Allergic to the Mood Indigo

I woke up last Friday looking like a character out of a George Lucas film or a Tolkien novel. I was puffy and red all over. My ears seemed to have grown horizontally away from the rest of my head and were the colour of tomatoes. My eyes, what I could see of them, were bloodshot. Yet that’s difficult to ascertain as “my eyes” were reduced to two slits between my inflamed eyelids and higher than usual cheeks.

Now, historically, to the best of my knowledge, I’ve never been allergic to anything. Save perhaps human stupidity. Yet, no, for real, the symptoms were highly out of the ordinary.
So after having stared at the mirror for a while, consulted friends on both ends of the allergy issue (docs and patients). Took their advise, coupled it with a call to the hotline of Cairo’s most famous pharmacy (excellent idea by the way, awesome service), and popped the delivered pills.
Minor improvements and constant relapses over the next 24 hours had me ending up at some hospital emergency room. Yes I realize how health phobic I am and how our first tendency in this household is to overreact.  Woman tells me its a rather strong allergy attack, revises everything I’ve ingested or inhaled in the past 48 hours and asks for some tests. At the end, she decides to give me a shot to alleviate the pain. Now those of you who know me are aware of the extent of my fear of needles. The sight of them gives me wings. Having been dragged back into her office and reseated a good couple of times. I finally, reluctantly, take the shot.
I go back to work on Sunday, relapse mid-day and end up calling in a specialist. I would like to take this opportunity to thank Dr. Ayman for making house (office) calls, for seeing me on such short notice and for being such an awesome doctor. He prescribes me some pills and tells me to RELAX!
Apparently, all the above…. stress related! DAMN!
Ok which brings us back to the source of all the stress. What can possibly be going on for my body to decide to manifest the bottled up tension physically?
Hmm well ok, in brief. A combination of work trouble, family related stress (depravity of morality was stressing my grandmas affecting their health negatively and hence stressing us all out by association), social troubles and what you might opt to call a quarter life crisis.
Normally, my mode of dealing is as follows:
1) Shut the world out.
2) Write.
3) Sulk, brood and process.
4) Decide outcomes through damage control.
5) Return to civilization.
A friend, decided that my mode isn’t good enough for … me (actually).
So following some massive nagging (which I normally don’t entertain nor tolerate). Some great intentions and some solid advise. I was told (not in so many words) to stop being such a control freak and to actually let go, talk to people, seek help. Concepts which to me were almost alien in nature. I could have sworn I’d given that same speech a hundred times, yet to be on the receiving end of it was a novelty. Usually I am not very good at heeding advise, yet having nothing to lose, and basically occupying a rock bottom position, figured it couldn’t hurt.
I sent out an SOS to my peeps. Sending out that SMS, albeit hard, was actually quite liberating. Loved ones came to the rescue. I was on the phone round the clock for 2 days straight. Some of which were long distance calls. Problems were talked through and solutions offered. Moral support was  provided in massive quantities. For issues without solution, similar sob stories were shared and learnings deduced. Friends dropped what they were doing and just came to share the silence.
I feel incredibly blessed.
It felt good to know that you can stop being such a control freak and let go, fully knowing people will catch you. That they would sacrifice precious hours they have on Cairo soil, that they would drive across town, call long distance, sit with you in a car in the middle of nowhere with a puppy in an attempt to cheer you up.
I love you all loads! I am very grateful for all your existences.
So, here I am, almost a week later. At peace with the universe.

I learned a lot in the past couple of days. I’ve learned that you can decide to give up on what’s right in favour of what’s convenient cause the health and well being of loved ones is at stake, and when that is the case, money and other worldly possessions don’t matter so much. That you can decide to quit your job, because you discover that it isn’t worth keeping if getting out of bed in the morning is that morose. That you can decide to stop being friends with someone because the friendship puts stress on other aspects of their life, which are important to them, and to you by association.

Ending stuff… it is a brilliant solution.
Meanwhile, I am grateful for the good advise and the awesome friends. I am seeking the Lord’s guidance on next steps. I hope all of you had far finer hours than this one.

2 thoughts on “Allergic to the Mood Indigo

  1. Ending stuff .. it is a brilliant solution

    that was true .. on so many levels.

    Glad you’re feeling better, may the Lord guide you the far you seek 🙂

    .. and us all 🙂

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