Checkmate

I guess that’s what happens in the end, you start thinking about the beginning.

I would like to take a moment to give thanks, for there is so much I am grateful for. I’m grateful to the Lord for bringing you into my life when he did. I’m grateful for the love and support. I am thankful for the time, energy and passion. I am grateful for your faith. I am grateful for your thoughts, philosophies and views, and the times you were willing to share them. I am thankful because when I look at my life today, I owe a lot of it to you. I owe you the joy I derive from driving my car, a car I probably would not have bought had you not been there. You’ve been witness to a lot of my milestones. You’ve put me on the right track to realising a childhood dream. You’ve gone out of your way time and time again to get me to think out of my box. I am indebted to you for the more enhanced version of life that I’ve gotten to taste and experience. I’m grateful for every moment really. Most of all I’m grateful for the chance I’ve been given to see the world through your eyes, experience it that uniquely.

Having said that, I guess it is time to admit that once again you were right. It is the inevitable demise. It must rock to be right all the time, I really wouldn’t know. Yet here I am telling you that the conclusion you’ve reached is the same one I have reached too. We are done.

I don’t think I have it in me any more. I’m all out of patience, tolerance, understanding, “I know where you’re coming from” and second chances. I’m really all out. I’ve depleted my reserves in every way possible.

I say this with no qualms whatsoever, no conscience pangs. For I say this fully realising that your life was fully functioning before my arrival and will continue to be fully functioning post my departure. My presence never was and never will be instrumental, hence my departure will undoubtedly not put a dent in you. That is ultimately a reassuring premise. Being the arrogant know it all that I am, I’ll actually quote myself from an earlier correspondence “I’m just a person playing a cameo role in the drama that is your life. In a sense just passing through, hoping to do more good than harm.”

You’ve always had issues with my motives, so I might as well take a moment to outline them here. They are really quite simple. I like to think that, perhaps with the exception of tending to my hair, I’ve kept every promise I’ve made you. I am not one to care much for grand gestures for the sake of grand gestures. I either care and this care manifests in the ways that have been extremely provocative to you. Or I don’t care at all.

Throughout I have always been very sincere with you (whether or not you choose to acknowledge that), in most (if not all) the times you got really mad at me, I was acting with the best interest in mind, I wasn’t opting for what was most convenient for me nor what I would have liked to do the most. Yet all this doesn’t matter. I’m operating out of sheer exhaustion and exasperation. I’m tired and confused. I’m letting go.

Lord only knows what you are thinking at this moment, I’ve given up on second guessing your thoughts and views.

The funny thing is, while I doubt you believe a word of it, the fundamentals have not changed. You’ll forever be loved and appreciated. In my eyes you’ll forever be “my little one”. My belief in you is unwavered. Great things await you. Whenever you truly need me I’ll still always be there for you.

Only perhaps, for the first time in a long time, congrats, I’m no longer watching you. Checkmate. You win.

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