Are you ok?
It is over.
Would you like to talk about it?
I’m really quite fine but ok.
I got tired of trying to be his. I love him. I honestly tried. I tried to become the woman he wanted me to be, but I just can’t anymore. It is too difficult.
He’s been wanting to change you from day one?
Yeah, more or less. Don’t smoke, don’t smoke this particular way, lose weight, wear this, don’t wear that, drive this way etc..
Yet he loves you?
Hmm, not technically, he loves HIS YOU, a version of you that doesn’t exist which only he seems to see or recognize. Then he’s been trying to change you, fix you, tweak you into becoming her.
Exactly !! I from day one have been telling him that I’d love to meet her, this “Sawsan” which he loves, which I never am.
That makes sense. Your problem as a couple is not a mere difference in tempo. Nor is it a case of great expectations. You’re both in love with versions of each other that don’t exist. So madly in love with the fantasy that you simply refuse to let go. Why settle for you when he believes that with a little effort he can get you to become “Sawsan”.
You too are equally guilty, you’re not in love with him, you’re in love with “Mazen”; a version of him that he never was, a loving supporting version who loves you unconditionally, who isn’t trying to change you. When the fantasy is so close that you can taste it. When the change is so minimal you believe you are capable of bringing it about. You are both lost. Your love dead. You are both locked in a battle of wills each attempting the futile and the impossible.
You know what the saddest part is?
Even if you were to succeed and you became Sawsan, making him a perfectly content Mazen.. the love would have been all gone.. for Sawsan and Mazen are in love with two brand new fantasies.