What would happen if, God forbid, we hosted the Olympics?

Inspired by a chat during the Olympics over sushi at Sheboya with Alien Kitten and Earthling.

The program:

  • National Anthem
  • Opening words by El Rayess
  • Army manoeuvres
  • Pharonic themed dance with secondary school kids dressed up like Neffertiti and doing aerobics.
  • Mohamed Tharwat and Afaf Rady (or some other previously retired female performer) sing some sort of medley of praises to the Rayess, accompanied by some kiddie choir.
  • A band from old Egypt does a number involving Sufi dancing, Tannouras, dancing horses and gunfire (we are not responsible for casualties).
  • A “Elleila Elkbeera” segment featuring the notorious “Arragoz” and Nelly Karim.
  • A “3arroset elmolled” segment, also accompanied by the return of some long-lost celebrity.
  • Amr Diab makes a day-view with the new and improved techno-house remix of “bel7ob etgama3na”, performed live accompanied by some hip local DJ and Wust El Ballad as backup.
  • Olympic torch designed to look like a giant shishah.

Other things worthy of note:

  • There will be sponsors! Who’s logos and branding will be splattered all over the pyramid side stadium and embedded into the segments and costumes.
  • We will not be in sync and the government will have a hard time finding volunteers or people willing to participate.
  • The logo will be pharonic inspired, with the 5 rings made to look like they were invented 7000 years ago. The slogan will be “for a better tomorrow for our kids and yours”.
  • Security precautions will be extreme and they will get a scare every time fireworks go off.
  • The ceremony will not start on time.
  • All the celebs from the infamous “nawart masr” advertisement will take turns presenting segments.
  • Youssra might sing, you never know!
  • We will hire some foreign director to manage the whole event.
  • The press will either hate it or love it. You can’t half-ass this kinda stuff, either you’re kissing ass or you’re not.

Hmmm, what do you guys think? Any potential segments we may have missed?

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17 thoughts on “What would happen if, God forbid, we hosted the Olympics?

  1. I really think that Hussein Fahmy and Anoshka should be involved somehow. But i dunno how yet.

    And no mentioning of “El-7aga Suzy” at all 😐 !!!!

  2. w fein hisham 3abbas 😦
    BTM & Mariel Louis haye3melo outfit galabeyyat se3eedy.
    You forgot to mention the military parachoute troopers.
    I would propably guess that security won’t identigy Mr. Jaque Rogue ( head of olympic comitee ) and would prevent him from entering

  3. Insomniac: Yeah, pending of course on ART having exclusive air rights.

    JAT: He’s one of the nawart masr troops, as for Suzy loool 🙂

    Jessyz: Don’t you think?

    Amy: Thank you!

    Jpierre: Thanks 🙂

    Belya: 🙂 Not a Amr Diab fan? LOL @ Marie Louis se3eedy style 🙂 The parachute troopers are part of the military maneuvers. LOOOL Did you know that this actually happened when we hosted the African Cup of Nations?

  4. I think we can include Hisham Abbas doing his indian dance. You know, the olympics being international and all that. 🙂

    The giant shisha-torch is brilliant!!
    Though I don’t think that Horus will get to light up the torch:
    the ghafeer guarding the stadium would’ve *borrowed* it before the show, you know, 3ashan yedrablo 7agarein badel el dawsha di kollaha.

  5. there’s also the army filling every stadium with the strange colored outfits and after the games you’d see everybody talking about how it was a success and that we smashed the guinness record! long live our cheering army!

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