*THIS IS NOT ABOUT ME*
I lead a very exhausting existence. I wish I could disappear. Drop off everybody’s radar. It is a curse to be viewed by others as perfect! More so for their definition of perfection. The Lord has been generous; I’ve been well endowed in the looks department. Quite average if you ask me. Yet I’ve been called drop-dead gorgeous, enchanting, mesmerizing and beauty queen material. That ladies and gentlemen is all they see. I am reduced to my physical appearance; for the fact that they find me attractive, desirable and coveted.
It pains me that this is all they manage to see. That to them I’m only skin deep. This is a shout out to all those who claim to know me, or who are deluded enough to think they love me.
I live in challenging times. When the world conspires against you and being right just is not enough. It’s Darwin all over again, only this time it’s survival of the sleaziest. In times like these if you swim against the current you stay put. If you give up you are swept towards the waterfall. Faced with such dire odds, I’m working overtime trying to find a way to reach one of the shores.
I am driven by my ambition, by my desires to make a change in the world. Only with every passing moment the target is becoming hazy and obscure as obstacles are forcing me to detour again and again. It took me 25 years to develop into the person that I am today, yet I’m having to slowly but steadily give up the precious ground.
Time and time again decency and ethics are failing to achieve targets. Values which I was a firm believer in and which I practiced and preached are proving to be unsuitable for our times; a hindrance to success in Egypt.
Feeling the need to blow, to express myself, to escape it all. A need to go back to basics, to a primitive society to help and be helped. To grow and help grow. A need for a world without preconceived notions, images and reputations.
Yet the time is not right, or perhaps it’s the circumstance that is not right. It seems that independence much like happiness is meant to be pursued and never attained. I shall seek that freedom and independence. I shall live trying to find my way; for I’d rather die than live stereotyped by them.