Destiny unfulfilled

Hallo,

I had initially started this blog to publish a short story. Having the ego that I do and enjoying having an outlet to unleash all other random thoughts to the world, I kept the blog. The downfall of that being that the story I sought to frame got buried in the rubble.

Asking you all if you could kindly click the link above in the black bar that reads “Ramblings of the Disoriented Mind”, or the one on the left under pages. Would highly appreciate all input you could give me.

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4 thoughts on “Destiny unfulfilled

  1. Gosh, this is the very first thing I read in your blog, and believe me , I haven’t read anything with with such quality in ages begad.. I am imagining you signing your first book very soon 🙂

    Keep it Up Inji..

  2. Just finished reading it. It’s really good. At first, I thought it was a bit predictable but as it progressed I really enjoyed it.

    I think you should work on your transitions a bit. I felt the character was way too cool after the first transition… maybe add some more chaos and disorientation. I can’t pinpoint exactly what the problem is but I know that I really loved the heart-beat transition and the electric shock transition (unexpected and spooky) so do what you did with those to the others.

    Also, try to be more authoritative. For example, the plant that the African man has to find, give it a name. This will give it a lot more believability.

    You’re probably working on that already but also try to make it longer. Allow the readers to settle into the new characters so you can take them off-guard. I felt I didn’t have enough time to absorb the new setting and get a feel for it and was always distracted in expectation of the next transition.

    Kfaya keda. 🙂 Just some of my thoughts as I read. But overall, I loved it.

    More please.

  3. OpeRon: THANK YOU 😀

    Mak: WOW a full-fledged critique. The plant comment is very clever will do that. I’m kinda comfy with the transitions, but will revisit the ones that didn’t appeal to you.

    Only problem with making them long is I get bored 😦 but will work on that.

    Glad you liked it though.

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