This is in no way a stab at my own but rather a moment of anger following one too many stories of some rather unusual parenting!

Dear parents to be,

If you don’t have it in you to love unconditionally…
If you won’t treat all your kids equally…
If you won’t believe that your daughters are princesses and sons gentlemen and treat them on that basis…
If you can’t build them up and support them cause you yourself are too fragile…
If you won’t help them discover their dreams and go after them…
If you won’t be at most practices and every single tournament…
If you won’t take an active interest in their schooling…
If you won’t bother meet their friends and teammates and people of significance to them…
If you can’t be happy for their accomplishments…
If you have no intention of encouraging their artistic expression…
If you are going to treat them like a burden and spend your days tearing them down…
If you will value your money and excessive comfort over their own…
If you won’t invest in them…
If you won’t praise them in public and reprimend them in private…
If you won’t tell them every day how amazing they are and how much you love them…
If you won’t rave about them to your friends and introduce them with great pride as the stars that they are…
If you won’t support their choices in life…
If you won’t eventually warm up to their spouses and find it in you to visit their homes…

If the majority of these things are true; for the love of God… Don’t bother have kids!!!!

To She Who Shares a Name with an Earthly Heaven

Do you see this little tree growing out of the pavement? The one breaking out of the bricks, cutting its way through the cement and the concrete. See how small it is? See how stunted its growth? See how alone?

Her words paint a perfect picture of the reality, for the entire pavement expanse was clear short of that one solitary tree growing next to the wall of a garden. A small tough tree which had decided to grow, with no regard for the existence of the pavement or the resistance of the bricks.

A tree which will have to constantly fight to grow any bigger. A tree which will spend its whole life breaking through the pavement and pushing bricks out of the way. A tree, that was very much like her, unique, strong, ground-breaking, revolutionary, unquestionably one of a kind and incredibly blessed.

Do you see the garden on the other side of this fence? Do you see the trees growing in there? Do you see how huge they are? How effortless they grow?

This tree, the one leaning outside the fence, that is you. I’m the little tree growing out of the pavement. I’m going to grow, but I’m never going to become that tree on the other side of the fence. I’m never going to grow to that scale. The environment is not conducive to my growth.

I’m not like you. Nor am I like any of the other trees in your garden. Not better nor worse, just coming from a different location, facing different circumstances, making different choices.

I understand her logic. I am taken by the beauty of the analogy. Once again, the depth of her perception and personality have caught me off guard and I was dumbfounded and speechless.

I start to protest, to argue, to point out that she can walk on walls, that the sky is her limit, that she will grow magnificently. Raving on and on…

I fall silent finally.. looking at her standing tall and strong next to that tree that reminded her so much of herself.

I find myself unable and unwilling to believe, a strong and true sentiment, for you see:

To me, you’ll always be that big tree on the inside of the fence. You’ve always been that tree in my eyes.

…

Loss is a defining human experience. Nothing in the physical world lasts forever. Memory of what has been lost can be both ennobling and painful.

History teaches us that civilizations flourish, die and disappear. Sometimes they die swiftly, sometimes in a slow lingering death. And sometimes, as with Rome and others, echoes of that civilization find new life in later cultures.

~ Michael Hamilton Morgan

My Mom used to use this for educational and reformatory purposes all the time.

Six month ago, a human being far better and far more accomplished than I, called me up to chew me up. A wake up call was in order and the ensuing conversation was so overwhelming, so flattering and so embarrassing I was dumbstruck and emmed and hawwed the call away. She’d made the effort to call and remind me of how much potential I had and the extent to which it was getting wasted.

Now here, six month later, I’m wishing I had a recording of this speech, I’m wishing I could do the same for a special person in my life right now, one equally in need of a wake up call. Since no such recording exists I will attempt to replicate it from memory, avec a little customization to suit the young star.

So here goes; Juka style:

Do you know how rare it is for both sides of a person’s brain to be working so sensationally well? For someone to be logical, rational and with great business sense whilst being artistic and musical? Do you realize how wide your fabric is? How limitless your abilities? How much it is that you truly can do? Do you?!!

Do you know how often people come to me for feedback or advise? Do you realize how much effort I have to exert to find something encouraging and supportive to tell them? To find the good or the commendable about their effort, logic or output? Yet here you are with what unquestionably is some of the best output I’ve seen in years, an unfathomably amazing skill set, and yet no action whatsoever. Not the slightest bit of follow through.

Do you even realize how good you are? Do you recognize what you are capable of doing? If you don’t make the most of you, it will be a crying shame.

Ah, while we are at this, could friends and blog readers kindly tell the young lady in question that while I do see the best in everyone, I don’t go tossing around that kind of praise. That it takes a lot to impress me and agitate me to the extent that I’d bother publicly blog about it.

I can’t do it. No strike that, I can, I just don’t particularly feel the sincerest doing it, even in instances where I’m genuine and sincere. I don’t like it coming across as an automated response. I don’t want you registering that I said it just because you did. I need you to know that it is true. Even if the famed “too” response was not instant nor gratifying. Know because it is implied in every single action of my day, in the tone of my voice, in the look in my eyes and in my cursed word choices.

Hence for all it is worth, please don’t take it personally if I’m unable to respond to the following phrases with the fact that I “too” do:

• I miss you.
• I love you.
• I care.
• I admire you.
• I respect you.
• I thank the Lord for your existence.
• I appreciate you.

List isn’t exhaustive. Yet what holds for these probably holds for all variations of these.

I do care, I will miss you, I appreciate you more than words could say, but just can’t bring myself to say it right now.

I was told recently, in response to an “I’m here for you”, that this isn’t what my friend wanted, that it was an empty promise and that actions spoke way louder than words. Got me thinking if I’m an all talk and no action person. Figured I probably was when it came to my own dreams, but I’d like to think I don’t make people empty promises. We’ll have to wait and see.

Heya mesh fattaka.. and a tad cliche.. but I can see it very clearly in my head.. the girl and the guitar and the hall… but whenever I try to put it into words it goes cliche on me..

She sat there at the centre of the empty stage absorbing her surroundings. The rows and rows of vacant plush brick red seats, the elevated ceilings and the giant archways holding it in place rendering the huge hall column-less. The scale of the emptiness around her brings an inner fulfilment.

She clutches tighter onto the vintage guitar between her hands as it rested on her lap. She traces her fingers slowly towards the proper starting hand positions, hugging the giant guitar further into her chest. Her right hand firmly holding on to the chords; mentally visualising the melody. Her left hand loosely hangs over the guitar, strumming virtual chords in the air. That hand finally coming down slowly and gracefully to hit that one note. The note reverberates in the empty hall rapidly filling the emptiness and brining the ancient hall to life.

The melody in her head now overtaking her completely, her hands move on their own accord, sliding and gliding across the cool wood of the guitar, warming up the strings and her heart. Hitting complex note after the other, the notes taking on a physical persona, floating upwards, breathing life into the entire hall, as for the duration of her song, the seats were occupied, the lights were bright, the clapping loud and wild.

She hits the final note tapping the strings and holding the guitar closer towards her own heart. She could smell the old rosewood, she could feel the history that this guitar held, the artists it encountered and the melodies it has strum. She opens her eyes to view the hall, now once again empty and lifeless, short of some final echoing notes shimmering audibly in the hall… a reminder of the magic that once was.

I’ve been getting that a lot lately.. I’m not quite sure what they’ve qualified as “so me” but it is always an entertaining and amusing comment to receive.

Wondering what all of you would consider “sooo you”?

For those who actually know me, what would you say was “so Juka”?

It’s just a thought.. only a thought (8).. don’t mind me, have had that song running through my head all week.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves: Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone; and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Marianne Williamson

A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles,” 1992

Hat-tip: Jessy K!

I often wonder if she can see it, if any of you innocent bystanders can see it, the chess board that seems to materialize out of thin air every time we start one of those endless conversations. Insane you say? Perhaps, but at times I can see it so clearly, so vibrantly, I can swear it had crossed that thin line between the reality in my head and the reality all of you are living and metamorphosed into existence.

I can see it very vividly, floating above our heads or between our bodies, occupying physical and psychological space. Oh and what a beautiful chess board it is, exquisite in its making perfect in its details. The mahogany wood frame, polished with a great deal of love, with an intricate pattern worked into its sides. Inside the frame, the vast expanse of checkers, I am always mesmerized by pattern, symmetry and all things so numerically perfect. I can’t help but be drawn by those little square marble inlays, laid down in that mahogany frame in alternating colour, a white marble square followed by a dark brick red one. The marble squares so perfect, so tightly fitted, so enticing to play.

Never ones to decline an invitation, soon our chess pieces make their way to the flawless board. White and black armies of words and concepts symbolised into pawns, knights and queens. We start to play, making statements, responding to questions, making queries and inquisitions, arguing and counter arguing. At first it is all second nature, simple and basic. Then as the conversation progresses and the game becomes more unique, we start the real verbal chess, thinking a move in advance, two moves, factoring in how we’d each respond to the other person’s response to our original words before uttering them.

You are thinking that my description sounds rather insincere and quite exhausting, but you are mistaken, it is more along the lines of mentally exhilarating. Our game progresses, becoming more difficult by the second, until we hit an impasse… we both realise that there is nowhere further that this conversation can go… we reach that realisation way before the conversation ends. Impassioned we violently clear the board sending the little marble pieces flying in different directions. Once again the board is clear. I enjoy the sensation of a cool empty board. The coolness of the now empty marble squares seems to diffuse the situation.

For the time being the board disappears, only to reappear with the next slightest hello.

Originally written on August 11, 2008 and posted here.

Re-posted in celebration of it making it in print See my name in lights in the October issue of CLEO.

Let me know what you think of the story.

Location: Rome

Time: Not too long ago.

She had gone to Rome to pursue her childhood dream of becoming a celebrated fashion designer. There she was finally in the fashion capital of the world only to discover that things were not quite that simple. It wasn’t a lack of inspiration per say, for Rome in it’s existence was quintessentially inspiring, the music of the morning market din, the serenity of the old churches, the intricate details in the architecture all around and the general aroma of great food that enveloped the ancient city. Then there was the Italians themselves, so sinfully good looking, so obsessed with Italy, with food, with fashion with all things of beauty. She was drawing like never before, filling up her portfolio with evening gowns and sleek suits and even scanty swim wear.

The process of allowing yourself to get discovered as the next Gucci, Versace or Armani was a long and cumbersome process. She had been turned away time and time again. She found the language both daunting and challenging and a handicap to her ability to communicate, to express herself, to present her collection. Also there was the minor issue of finances, she was close to depleting her finances and was in need of a source of income to sustain her as she fought on to realize her dream. She had gotten a day job waiting tables at a fancy café by the busy plaza. She watched the chatty tourists come and go, stopping for a bite, asking her to take pictures of them, wondering what a foreigner like her was doing working in Italy.It took every ounce of self confidence not to get disheartened, to believe that someday they will see her collection with an eye of appreciation, that they will recognize her talent, that she will become one of the icons of fashion in Italy and worldwide. She had taken to submitting updated collections regularly to most of the fashion houses in the area, in the hope they will take her in. She’d also submitted a regular CV in the hope of landing any career in the industry then working her way up. She’d gone on interviews, filled applications, started Italian classes all to no avail.

It was the end of one such tiring day that our weary heroine made her way to the closest bus station. She sat there on the bench running her day’s events through her head. Making mental notes of the tips she had collected and the outstanding payments she still had to make. Thinking of the new trends in fashion as witnessed or interpreted by her from the countless tourists and locals that passed by her every day. She sat on that bench waiting. Waiting for the bus. For her break. For things to go her way. For the big fashion house she’d gone for an interview in that morning to call. She just sat there… waiting.

In case you had not picked up on this already, my name is Inji and I AM the Juka

I would tell you that I’m the girl on the blog, but am uniquely unqualified to do so. Perhaps those few readers who’ve shared java with me could help you out and weigh in on the issue.

On why I’m doing this? The International Who’s Who Historical Society have selected me for their 2009/2010 issue of the International Who’s Who for Professionals for “exemplary achievement and distinguished contributions to the business community” and I want to retain bragging rights!

P.S. Post altered to accommodate for sweet overprotective paranoia of best friend. *HUGS*.

Thursday

Me: See you after Eid.

Boss: Actually we need to work on Tuesday, so you guys only get Sunday and Monday off.

Me: But Eid break is usually three days.

Boss: Hmm, still need you to work on Tuesday we have to move premises, so 9 am new premises.

Today

I interrupt my glorious stay in Alex, drive all the way back to Cairo, make my way to the new premises in Maadi only to receive a 8:30 am call from my subordinate telling me that he’s at the door and there are no signs of life. I tell him to call the boss.

Five minutes later my phone goes off.

Boss: Maykel’s at Maadi.

Me: Yes, as per your instructions. I’m on my way too.

Boss: The workers are not done yet.

Me: (feeling the gal bladder explosion coming on) So what does that mean?

Boss: I wish you had called me yesterday to confirm. I learned on SATURDAY that they are still a long way off. So take Maykel now and work from your house this week, we are hoping to move on Sunday.

Me: (taking in a really deep breath) So now we are to work from home today?

Boss: Yeah.

Me: (Hangs up).

COULD YOU BELIEVE THE NERVE OF SOME PEOPLE!!!

My poor poor gal bladder!!!!

In May 2006, my Daddy was turning 55. I’m big on customized gifts; I’m a writer; moreover, me and my dad are really tight.

Seeing that a relationship like ours (mine and my dads) warrants a unique gift; I had compiled words of wisdom my father has told me over the past 20 something years and which have played a major role in shaping my personality and made me the person I am today; had them photoshopped with a photo of him carrying a 3 year old Juka (contemplating sharing the picture) and framed.

Yesterday a chat session with superstar reminded me of the frame sitting on our piano. Thought I’d share.

Words my father told me:-

• The sky is your limit.

• Intelligence doesn’t happen by accident it’s the result of hard and organized WORK.

• Always treat others like you’d like to be treated.

• When you do something… do it right; for the lord loves those who seek to attain perfection in everything they do.

• Work hard…. Play harder.

• Life isn’t fair  (inside joke)

• When things don’t go your way; have faith in God’s infinite wisdom; you never know what’s around the corner.

• Question everything.

• The learning process knows no end, no matter what you learn it will come in handy someday.

• Everybody witnesses phenomena; genius is about perception, to see it in a light nobody else has seen it in.

• Respect yields even more respect.

• If we don’t agree we can at least be civil.

• The greatest gift in the world is the ability and the opportunity to help others, don’t ever underestimate that, don’t ever be ungenerous with your time or effort.

• There is no such thing as no time; there is good time management and then there’s what you are doing

• Dream huge, shoot for the moon, but always keep your feet firmly on the ground.

• Be yourself  :)

Daddy dearest, that was the list in 2006, funny thing is retyping it up now, I realised the extent to which I’m still learning! HUGS!

Ibhog has decided to inject some Ramadan spirit into the blogosphere.

Taking a sweet and brave initiative he’s decided to share his blessings with us, asking us all to share some of ours.

Rules are posted on his blog to which I’ve linked above, if you happen to stop by here for mine, know that I would be very interested in reading yours. Consider yourselves implicitly tagged.

Lets get to it:

Praise the Lord! A huge Elhamdollelah.

• I am grateful for all the things I complain about all the time, for in being able to focus on such small things, I have realised that all the big tickets in my life are in order. Typical Maslow hierarchy of needs pyramid. So if your biggest problem is that you have not saved the world today, it follows that your basic needs are met, that you are fed, healthy, employed, loved, actualized etc.. and can afford to stress about that “Reminded”

• I am grateful for my parents, in their over-protectiveness, in their stifling over attentiveness. I am grateful that they are both alive and well, that they both care enough, that we are not your typical dysfunctional family, that I feel protected, safe and loved all day everyday. “Pampered”

• I am grateful for my sister and our small age difference. I am grateful for the friendship that binds us and the room we share. I am grateful for our insane and opposite styles and tastes. I am grateful for how she’s my rock who will always be there. I am grateful that I am hers! I am grateful for how well we understand each other and the fear that overtakes other Trump players and the classic “ekhwat la2!!!” “Happy”

• I am grateful for my car, even though it is for sale these days, cause it is time to move on. Yet I shall miss it, I owe it so much. I am freed from taxi cabs and begging rides of parents. It is my own bit of personal space on this planet, the only property that truly is mine. I am grateful for the rad built in stereo and the endless supply of music. I am grateful for the fact that it has never failed me and has tolerated seating 8 individuals, my Need for Speed driving, the Cairo heat, the long trips and being used as a make shift office. “Mine”

• I am grateful for my career. I hear people talking about their dream jobs, I am thankful that I have found mine after career hopping for 5 years. I hope I get to do this forever. I hope to some day do it for the biggest firms on the planet. Moreover, I dream of one day doing it under my own name, my very own business consultancy firm. “Actualised”

• I am grateful for my best friends, who have been there for me through thick and thin, who are spread out all over the globe but who are always a phone call and a plane trip away. I am grateful for the old ones and the new. I am grateful for how influential they have been in my life, how they’ve always driven me to be a better me, how they’ve made the good times great and the bad situations trivial. “Spoilt”.

• I am grateful for the gifts/talents the Lord has been generous enough to endow me with. I am thankful for the skills that I have not had to work hard at developing and for the creative elements which have enabled me to channel both positive and very negative energy over the years. I am grateful to my piano and my blog for keeping me sane and grounded, for enabling me to remain “nice” in the real world. “Blessed”

• I am grateful for all the things we usually don’t stop to ponder, the things that go without saying and which we take for granted. I am grateful for good health, a steady job, a roof above my head, food on our table, love in our hearts, education, choice, etc. “Contemplative”

• I am grateful for my cities, the locations I’ve lived in around the planet, for all the memories, all the trips, all the stamps in my passport, for all the friends I’ve made, the sights I’ve seen and the exposure. I am grateful for variety, diversity and cultures. I am grateful for all we have to learn and experience and how non-boring life can be. “Travel-bug bitten”

• Last but not least, I’m actually grateful for advances in technology. The Lord has been very generous with the brains he has given some of us. I am insanely grateful that Carrier invented the AC; that the internet is available to students, employees and slackers around the world; for trains, planes and automobiles. I’m basically very grateful for all our creature comforts. “Lazy”

Needless to say, you’re all tagged. Knock yourselves out!

OK, those who know me know that it’s been on my new year resolution lists and on my bucket lists since 2005. This ambitious dream has met with some interesting setbacks, my inability to write anything longer than 10 pages, fact that I got bored easy, laziness, upon actual completion of something the difficulties of getting published in English in a city like Cairo. Publishing houses will tell you that people barely read, those who do, read Arabic, what little English people bother to buy must have been on the NY best seller list for a while.

This discouragement was the reason I started this blog, Ramblings of a Disoriented Mind, the name of the short story I had at the time. I’ve written others since, you’ll find a couple on this blog broken up in pieces and some of my closer friends have actually read a draft of a working progress of a novel. Their feedback has been generous, sweet, supportive and instrumental. I hope to someday have that story see the light.

Meanwhile, in the real world, established published authors are going through hell. I couldn’t fathom the extent of the damage, yet when an author feels frustrated and ripped off enough to throw a coup d’etat you know something is amiss.

Marwa Rakha has decided she has had it with it all and is making her book available for free online in a digital format. So for all of you who had read my review and were reluctant; for all those who couldn’t get their hands on a hard copy; for all who appreciate the ability to read off your monitors at work, here you go an easy access freebie! Download it, read it, let her know what you thought.

For more on how Arab writers are being mistreated see here.

To download Rakha’s book, click here.

Would love to know what you all think? To e-book or not to e-book? Are publishing houses obsolete? Would you pay for electronic media you could get for free?

digital social networking,  facebook and facebook equivalents…. would we still be friends?

This was an argument I had with a blogger friend a couple of weeks back.

Leading the insane schedules that we lead, spending more hours on our PCs than any other activity we do awake, the hecticness of the tempo of the century, one finds it easier to just lead a virtual social life. Reliant on that easy access and superficial connectivity to allegedly keep in touch with one another. To congratulate, condole or wish a happy birthday. To say hello, ask for a favour, get updates, give advise etc..

So once again, if I give up my msn and my facebook, would we still be friends? Would you still care? Would I see you as often? Speak to you as frequently?

Reason I’m asking is that I’m bored of it all, I miss the real deal. I like the humanity of people.. eye contact, body language.. the whole nine yards. I like their cynicism and random bursts of gossip.. I like how friends wink at me across a table full of friends. Was out with real live red blooded friends today and realised I’d rather have that over the internet any day.

My internet addiction has reached a point where I stop mid-sentence to ask people to insert a particular wink here!!

Let alone if your virtual relationships are with individuals you’ve never met in the real world oh the margin for atrocities is ridiculously wide. You see, online isn’t real; people are never 100% them.. nor 100% genuine because the temptation is always too high.. the temptation to create an alter ego.. a fake bigger better persona.. and be that instead..

Just a thought.

Ok, so I’m a couple of days behind on this, but yalla, here’s wishing you all a blessed holy month. May your fasting be tireless and your prayers answered.

For those of you suffering from java withdrawal symptoms, I totally feel for you!

Meet Guitar Freak, the latest addition to my team.

A young engineering AUC graduate. The AUCians amongst you might recognize him. He was a brilliant IGCSE student, a talented guitarist, an active campaigner, a hit fund-raiser, king of the activities and overall nice guy on AUC campus. His versatile profile inspired his professors to nominate him to the KAUST (King Abdullah University of Science and Technology) Discovery Scholarship.

Following extensive screening, writing personal statements, sitting in for interviews and competing aggressively Guitar Freak was shortlisted for this scholarship. Following that, KAUST has paid his AUC tuition, a monthly stipend, gave him money for a state of the art laptop, etc.. Basically they have been making some serious investment in those chosen ones who were later to go study at KAUST for a masters degree.

Guitar Freak was cloud nine, he had his entire life mapped out for him and he felt happy with the direction it was going. Earlier this summer, his older brother, an ex-employee of mine gives me a distressed call from Italy. He asks if I once again was in a position where I needed engineers as part timers to work on a consultancy project over the summer? At the time I had nothing in the pipeline. He tells me that Guitar Freak is in shambles because he was told that he was not eligible for a postponement of military duty on account of that masters degree; that this particular article in the law applies only to those already studying abroad. That he had to wait in Egypt and find out whether or not he would get drafted, possibly getting drafted for up to 3 years.

As luck would have it, I did close a deal this summer and am currently working on it with Guitar Freak (didn’t bother interview anyone else). Needless to say the boy had a broken quality to him; one unusual at his age; but one which made perfect sense given the background. I could feel his tension, disappointment and frustration. He made countless efforts, knocked on doors, pulled strings and asked for favours; all to no avail.

Thursday he comes flying in, his feet barely touching the ground. Every ounce in his being screaming out with joy. He says “I have some good news and some bad news.” I smile, “You fixed it, you are leaving!”.

He nods emphatically, he starts telling me how after AUC intermediation to solve the boys’ problem had failed, the KSA parties decided to get involved. I’m unsure on the details of how things worked, but basically what I understood is that his Royal highness somehow interfered, the KSA ambassador in Egypt was involved, there were extensive negotiations with the Egyptian MFA and military. Finally the boys emerge with a “tasree7 saffar” i.e. a document allowing them to leave the country. Kindly note that they didn’t get exempted from military duty, it was just postponed till their return to Egyptian soil, if they ever do return.

I’m grinning from ear to ear at this point, partially infected by his own inner happiness, and partially because the cynic in me found it extremely amusing that the problems of Egyptians on Egyptian soil are being solved by the KSA government, wa 3agaby!

“So where is the bad news?” I ask him. “I’m leaving on Tuesday, so I feel bad about abandoning you mid project”. I mean seriously, how sweet is this boy?!! I assured him that I’d be fine, he offered to bring in a replacement. Meeting new guy on Sunday.

“I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism.”

(On a personal level, that applies even in friendship and business)

“Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it.”

(Amen to that!)

“In the end, though, maybe we must all give up trying to pay back the people in this world who sustain our lives. In the end, maybe it’s wiser to surrender before the miraculous scope of human generosity and to just keep saying thank you, forever and sincerely, for as long as we have voices.”

(Some of them are reading.. so for all it is worth THANK YOU)

“You were given life; it is your duty (and also your entitlement as a human being) to find something beautiful within life, no matter how slight.”

(Message received)

“Time — when pursued like a bandit — will behave like one; always remaining one country or one room ahead of you, changing its name and hair color to elude you, slipping ou the back door of the motel just as you’re banging through the lobby with your newest search warrant, leaving only a burning cigarette in the ashtray to taunt you.”

(So much for burning daylight..)

“If I love you, I will carry for you all your pain, I will assume for you all your debts (in every definition of the word), I will protect you from your own insecurity, I will protect upon you all sorts of good qualities that you have never actually cultivated in yourself and I will buy Christmas presents for your entire family. I will give you the sun and the rain, and if they are not available, I will give you a sun check and a rain check. I will give you all this and more, until I get so exhausted and depleted that the only way I can recover my energy is by becoming infatuated with someone else.”

(I can so see that happening.. )

“Still, despite all this, traveling is the great true love of my life. I have always felt, ever since I was sixteen years old and first went to Russia with my saved-up babysitting money, that to travel is worth any cost or sacrifice. I am loyal and constant in my love for travel, as I have not always been loyal and constant in my other loves. I feel about travel the way a happy new mother feels about her impossible, colicky, restless, newborn baby–I just don’t care what it puts me through. Because I adore it. Because it’s mine. Because it looks exactly like me. It can barf all over me if it wants to–I just don’t care.”

(I need a visa in my new passport.. I need a trip!)

“The Yogic sages say that all the pain of a human life is caused by words, as is all the joy. We create words to define our experience and those words bring attendant emotions that jerk us around like dogs on a leash. We get seduced by our own mantras (I’m a failure… I’m lonely… I’m a failure… I’m lonely…) and we become monuments to them. To stop talking for a while, then, is to attempt to strip away the power of words, to stop choking ourselves with words, to liberate ourselves from our suffocating mantras.”

(Forget words.. give in to music… still obsessing about learning the guitar)

This is the supreme lesson of karma ( and also of western psychology, by the way)- take care of the problem now, or else you’ll just have to suffer again later when you screw everything up the next time. And that repetition of suffering-that’s hell. Moving out of that endless repetition to a new level of understanding-there’s where you’ll find heaven.”

(Cat… tail.. chase… outgrew… FLAWED!)

“And what will I be able to do tomorrow that I cannot yet do today?”

(Response: On behalf of the Society of Procrastinators Anonymous.. LOL)

“I can help them. I am so equipped to help. All the antennas I’ve ever sprouted throughout my lifetime that have taught me how to read what people are feeling, all the intuition I developed growing up as the supersensitive younger child, all the listening skills I learned as a sympathetic bartender and an inquisitive journalist, all the proficiency of care I mastered after years of being somebdy’s wife or girlfriend – it was all accumulated so that I could help ease these good people into the difficult task they’ve taken on.”

(Reminds me of a friend.)

“Tutti in Italian means Everybody…….. So that’s the final lesson isn’t it? When you set out in the world to help yourself, you inevitably end up helping Tutti.”

(Adam Smith flashbacks)

“If you tell me slowly, I can understand quickly”.

(I’m sorry?)

Overall… a slow read but has some moments of brilliance! Go check it out.

Hmm.. well for the longest time I had been reading nothing but Finance, tons and tons of it. So the instant the exam was over I started catching up on my fun reading, as the stack of untouched shiny new books in my library had a hypnotising distracting effect for the duration of the study months.

So, a quick scan of the aftermath of an insanely hectic summer. We’ve been moving premises at work, undertaking the whole process of selecting a flat, designing the decore, selecting furniture and overseeing execution. Hence in addition to our normal jobs we’ve all taken on some (lets for the sake of the argument call them that) “artistic” duties. Moreover, we’ve been working office-less (also read out of my car, off my dinner table, out off the boss’ living room) and hence have been a rather virtual office.

I digress.. I, amidst some time off to myself and this madness, have had the pleasure of some non-CFA reading. Some overdue quick reviews.

1) The Unbearable Lightness of Being (June mainly):
See here for review.

2) ظل الأفعى (End of June – Beginning of July):

Youssef Zidane’s first novel. A short yet highly entertaining highly informative read. If you are fanatic or offend easy in any way, don’t bother. Book is a historical trip set in the context of a modern day marriage and the wife’s mystical correspondence with her ominous mother. Zidane shows off his knowledge and his vast reading as he effortlessly jumps eras, topics and cultures pausing at random bits of time to shed some light on forgotten beliefs and times. The book is an homage to the divinity of the sacred female; hence if the topic would be remotely offensive to you, once again don’t bother, your loss.

For a flavour of the book, see here.

3) Twilight (Starting Mid-July)

Ok, Stephanie Meyer’s HIGHLY recommended best selling international phenomena! I didn’t like it! Seriously. Yeah ok, spare me the tomatoes and the booing. I went in expecting a masterpiece and what I got was childish, obvious, sappy and naive.

On a side note, I found it quite charming that even when in FICTION, a female author invents the perfect man (brilliant, gorgeous, strong, protective, sensitive, caring and deep), her mind recognizes the impossibility of it and feels the need to make him a vampire! So basically the perfect human man does not exist OR whenever something feels too good to be true.. than he probably is a blood sucking vampire.. i.e. has a flaws big enough to outweigh all perceived perfectness. Figures!!

4) Eat Pray Love (End of July)

Going through this book I was sure it was written by a woman I know, it was her style, her life, her fears.. strengths and disappointments. I actually went to the extent of asking her if this was another of her mystery literature ventures. Yet she denies the allegations, despite similarities, upon further consultation with Google, apparently this Elizabeth is legit.

Anyways, book is a light read, a dumped hurt woman’s journey of recovery, self discovery; search for God, earthly pleasures and balance! I am on the fence on liking it and being neutral about it. On one hand, I have tons of pages I’ve earmarked with quotes I liked. On the other, I can’t relate to the woman. She is a tad light and a tad simplistic.. plus doesn’t really act as if any of it was her fault. I don’t know. Not very useful; I realise that, but I do promise to follow up with a post of some of my fave quotes and commentary.

5) When Markets Collide (current reading)

Will give you a decent review when done. Went through hell to find a copy following last year’s Euromoney conference where every minister in Egypt managed to end up quoting this guy in their speech. He’s CV puts wanna-bes like me to shame. On the plus side, for the first time in a long time I actually have a practical role model.

6) The God of Small Things (also current readings, I read in overlap)

I bought this based solely on the fact that it won the Booker prize. Woman thinks in beautiful imagery. Yet is highly chaotic and quite difficult to follow. I like how she expresses emotions, her descriptive abilities are sensational and heart felt. Oh and it has been ages since a book has kept me running for my dictionary so often. Props to her on that! She has an impeccable ability of finding the best word for the sentence, which also happens to be the most complex possible word choice Still early in the book, will give you more decent feedback when done.

So Gjoez et all, what did you end up reading over the summer?

Nervous, oh so very nervous
Agitated and unrehearsed
I made considerable effort
To remain intelligible and coherent

You have my undivided attention
Well, any attention I have control over
I’m not devious, nor calculating
Yet here I am insanely over-analysing

I, as always, had set out to impress you
Made every effort, pulled all the stops
Yet you remain unmoved, unimpressed
My childish antics have made no dents

You smile, you tease, you disagree
Becoming self conscious, a tad angry at me
Take a number and join the club
I’ve never been more disappointed internally

Flawed is my existence, I agree, no contest
Endearingly, you tell me you love me
I hear your words yet fail to register
My twisted mind refusing to believe

If in my own head I have failed
Does it matter if in your eyes I succeed?
I covet a different sentiment
Perhaps some day you’ll be “proud of me”

You love me. No. You love the potential
That only you and I seem to see
It is ok. I’m in love with the idea of you too
A perfect unique immortal divine existence

Please don’t disagree. I don’t take it well.
Disappointment.. critique.. even praise.
Above all else, desecration of idols.
I won’t have it… I can’t handle it.. Please?

Wondering if we’ve reached that part of the story.
Where you give up.. or I inadvertently mess up
Historically, at the end, I’ve always been sorry

So consider this my public non-apology
Consider this.. a promise from me to me
To possibly earn that which I so aggressively seek.

Perhaps then.. I’ll believe it when I hear it.

August 2009

Are you ok?
No.
What happened?
It is over.
Would you like to talk about it?
I’m really quite fine but ok.

I got tired of trying to be his. I love him. I honestly tried. I tried to become the woman he wanted me to be, but I just can’t anymore. It is too difficult.

He’s been wanting to change you from day one?
Yeah, more or less. Don’t smoke, don’t smoke this particular way, lose weight, wear this, don’t wear that, drive this way etc..

Yet he loves you?
Unconditionally.

Hmm, not technically, he loves HIS YOU, a version of you that doesn’t exist which only he seems to see or recognize. Then he’s been trying to change you, fix you, tweak you into becoming her.
Exactly !! I from day one have been telling him that I’d love to meet her, this “Sawsan” which he loves, which I never am.

That makes sense. Your problem as a couple is not a mere difference in tempo. Nor is it a case of great expectations. You’re both in love with versions of each other that don’t exist. So madly in love with the fantasy that you simply refuse to let go. Why settle for you when he believes that with a little effort he can get you to become “Sawsan”.

You too are equally guilty, you’re not in love with him, you’re in love with “Mazen”; a version of him that he never was, a loving supporting version who loves you unconditionally, who isn’t trying to change you. When the fantasy is so close that you can taste it. When the change is so minimal you believe you are capable of bringing it about. You are both lost. Your love dead. You are both locked in a battle of wills each attempting the futile and the impossible.

You know what the saddest part is?
Even if you were to succeed and you became Sawsan, making him a perfectly content Mazen.. the love would have been all gone.. for Sawsan and Mazen are in love with two brand new fantasies.

A friend asked me where the line below the blog name came from It is actually from one of my favourite songs ever, courtesy of Sou sometime in 2007.

So here you go, enjoy:

Reamonn – Star

Tell me if you got a problem
Tell me if it’s in your way
Tell me if there’s something bothering you
Tell me what should I say
You know I’d do most anything
You know I’d change the world
You know I’d do most anything for my little girl
Tell me if you got a problem
Tell me now what’s inside
Show me if you broke your heartstrings
You know you never need to hide
You know I’d do most anything
You know I’d paint the sky
You know I ‘d do most anything for you my guiding light

Cause you’re my Star shining on me now
A love from worlds apart I need for you,
You are my shining star, my star
A love from worlds apart I need for you,
You are my shining star
Once upon a time a memory
Once upon a time girl
Once upon a time perfect life
Once upon a perfect world
You know I’d do most anything for you my guiding light
You know I’d do most everything to keep you in my life

Cause you’re my Star shining on me now
A love from worlds apart I need for you,
You are my shining star, my star
A love from worlds apart I need for you,
You are my shining star

Just a memory
Every dream is of you and me
If I wish upon a star
Well I hope that’s where you are
When Heavens turn
You know you’ll shine you’re in my heart for all time
When Heaven turns you know you’ll shine in worlds apart

Cause yeah you are my Star
A love from worlds apart I need for you,
You are my shining star, my star
A love from worlds apart I need for you,
You are my shining star,
shining on me now
A love from worlds apart I need for you,
You are my shining star, my star
A love from worlds apart I need for you,
You are my shining star

Dear All,

The Holy Month of Ramadan is upon us. Rotaract Kasr El Nile is here to help you channel your generosity and the spirit of Ramadan towards aiding the less fortunate.

Projects in which you may pitch in:

1) Iftar Tareek – RAC Kasr El Nile’s signature Ramadan activity which we pioneered 3 years back. This year this project is being done across two governorates and 1500 packs will be distributed. Packs will include bread, cheese and juice and will be distributed at key locations in Cairo and Alexandria to those stuck in traffic or on the road.

We are accepting volunteers and product donations for the above.

2) Ma2idet Ra7man – for the first time this year RAC Kasr El Nile is moving out of Cairo’s overcrowded existence to less fortunate governorates where a Ma2ida will be more appreciated. Our target is to feed 100 individuals daily for the month. The cost of an individual meal is 10 pounds. So to feed one person for the whole month would cost you only 300 pounds.

For volunteering or donations kindly contact me or Tarek El Ashkar at 0101869260.

May the blessings of Ramadan and it’s heightened spirituality overwhelm you all.

Kol Sanna Wentom Tayebeen!

“Friend” from this point onwards will be used to represent the views of a bunch of people near and dear to me  who have at different stages of the process had their input sought or felt the need to throw their 2 cents in.

The Beginning:

Friends: Mabrouk, heard your MBA results are out. Congrats.

Me: 3.88 is not 4

Friends: 3.88 is great, plus at least it is over and you are not lost in the endless cycle of the elusive CFA.

Me: Tell me more.

Friends: 35% success rate.. almost nobody passes from the first time round, we don’t know anyone who’s finished all three levels.. basically it can’t be done.

Months Later:

I have been chilling for a while post MBA.. it has been a year.. my brain is starting to rust (roll your eyes all you like). Figured I could use a challenge in my spare time, I was starting to miss the classroom experience (I can literally hear some of you puking at this point). This was a mood that often accompanied my birthday and the whole year-in-review energy and usual self criticism and dissatisfaction with achievement tally. Psychotic? YES very..

Friends at B-day party: So what are your plans for the new year.

Me: I’m gonna ace the CFA exam.

Friends: December?

Me: Nope, June.

Friends: You realise today is Feb 20?

Me: Yes.

Friends: Will you take a course.

Me: Nope, will just read it on my own.

Another crazy friend: I’m in!

Me: Perfect!

On doing the right things for the wrong reasons:

Friends: Free to go for Sushi on Monday.

Me: No sorry, Mondays are no good, I’m meeting my study buddy.

Friends: I thought you were done with MBA.

Me: I am, this is for the CFA.

Friends: Work is requiring it?

Me: Nope.

Friends: Is it useful in your line of work? Would it increase your salary? Make you better at your job?

Me: Negative, unlikely and no.

Friends: HUH?

Me: I’m just turned on by the fact that people said I couldn’t.

Friends: Hmm.. well.. that’s not exactly what they said.. but good luck!

Studying:

Ok, so my study buddy and I only had 3 months to study for the exam and we both have 9 to 5 demanding jobs. So in the interest of time and due to the sheer size of our respective egos and our ability to egg each other on.

Study mechanism:

• Open book
• Start solving problems at end of chapters
• Discuss our answers
• Compare answers to solution at end of the book
• If more than 70% of answers are correct ==> We know this stuff, don’t bother read chapter.
• If less than 70% are correct ==> Make note to read this chapter independently when we get a chance at the end when we’re done solving  for all the subjects in question.

Exam:

6 hours of mind boggling MCQs.

Friends: How did you do?

Me: I really don’t know!

Pre – Results:

Friends: They out yet.

Me: Na-auh

Friends: Worried?

Me: LOL! Which answer would you like? Me? Worried? Naturally not, what’s there to worry about !! OF COURSE I’M WORRIED! I’m scared out of my brains and anxious as hell!

Friend: What’s the worst that could happen?

Me: Hmm. I don’t pass. I end up with a bruised ego.

Friend: Why would your ego be bruised?

Me: Cause I would have half-assed a challenging pursuit and failed at it! How average! How damn predictable!

Friend: Blank stare!!! No comment.

Results:

I failed! (for those who are allergic to the phrase.. I did not pass!)

Post – Results:

Scenarios:

1) Drop the CFA alltogether.

Motive:  I need to start doing things because they need to be done.. because they are useful/important rather than because I want to prove that I can achieve the impossible. (Damned superhero complex).

Friend feedback:

• Take the exam. It would be such a waste not to, you’ve already done the bulk of the effort.
• You are quitting? So unlike you? Minor setbacks like you always say..
• You have to fight, you can’t give up on something you want. All people fail, the only difference is the level of determination that makes you continue trying rather than give up. This is too easy and you can’t keep changing your life forever just to escape temporary failures. Calm down and get ready for the next fight.

2) Take the exam in December and pass.

Motive: 3end! Really, no other incentive. To prove to myself that I can if adequately prepared pass this cursed exam. Does in no way guarentee that I’ll go on to take levels 2 and 3.

Friend feedback:

• Knowing you, you’d find some psychotic way to spin this into a non-achievement. Since after all, what’s the big deal, everybody passes their second trial, challenge would be all gone. (She’s brilliant and she’s got me pegged).
• That’s the spirit!
• Don’t take courses though, those who took them didn’t pass either.
• Look at the bright side, exam is in Abu Dhabi, think shopping spree

3) Take the exam in December and fail yet again.

Personally: I don’t think my ego (which is now already black and blue and badly bruised) could take that. I’m not that secure, honestly!

Friend feedback:

• Not gonna happen! (Kindly note that they said that about my first trial as well, people tend to overestimate yours truly).
• Pessimistic aren’t we?
• How about a completely different scenario? You take it again, you fail again, you never give up, THAT is my Juka. (I honestly wish I was the person she thinks I am.)

I don’t know what I’m going to do, but sitting on our living room couch, none of the scenarios seem appealing.

Last night in a girlie outing, conversation steered towards how the zodiac sign of a person affected their attitude towards a relationship. It was claimed, and I quote:

Pisces would be perfectly fine swimming along, things going well in a relationship, then they’d decide to roll over and die and that would be the end of it.

I smiled, an automated response, and argued that the rolling over and dying is never that sudden and is really quite gradual.

After having a while to contemplate it, decided to write on behalf of the fishes, explaining how and/or why, for I assure you, there is always logic to our madness.

I think Elizabeth Gilbert put it beautifully:

“If I love you, I will carry for you all your pain, I will assume for you all your debts (in every definition of the word), I will protect you from your own insecurity, I will protect upon you all sorts of good qualities that you have never actually cultivated in yourself and I will buy Christmas presents for your entire family. I will give you the sun and the rain, and if they are not available, I will give you a sun check and a rain check. I will give you all this and more, until I get so exhausted and depleted that the only way I can recover my energy is by becoming infatuated with someone else.”

We are that extreme and that intense. Moreover we are that spaced out and deluded. You see, we never really loved you, per say, we loved a version of you that only we saw. We, for all practical purposes, only saw the good in you, the finest possible version of you that you could be, and fell in love with that. Moreover, we idolised that version, put you on a pedestal and treated you like Helen of Troy (or Hercules.. depending on your perspective) and then some.

Then we love you with great dedication and passion. We would support your dreams, go out of our way to make your life a little easier, make it our mission in life to impress you and keep you happy. We become caring and attentive, we whom by the way usually don’t give a damn about much. We listen! A rarity in this world. Moreover we understand. Once again, I can’t phrase it better than Liz already has above, but it is insane the measures we would go to when in love.

Trick is, amidst this shower of niceties and public displays of affection, we often become so consumed with pampering you, that the relationship is no longer balanced. We have just spent months (in a best case scenario) telling you how perfect you are, how flawless, how incapable of error, how all your wishes are commands and how no matter what you do we will tolerate and understand. Yet unfortunately it isn’t true. We take perfectly fine potential partners and ruin them… spoil them entirely… then have the audacity to complain about what selfish flawed beings they are. Yet they are what we’ve made them.

Then the relationship becomes a burden, the actions that were so effortless before become a daily nightmare. The idols fall out of grace. We see them, as if for the first time, as the humans they have always been. By then we have grown tired of it all and in her words decide to roll over and die.

Only to shortly after hit repeat. Afterall, fish only have a 30 second attention span, its not like we were cats or anything.

Since the unthinkable happened, a blog reader actually bothered to ask why this little virtual bubble is not being updated. Response: because I had limited Internet access for a while and now that I’m back, I’m in a mood that’s so mundane.. so done before.. I have nothing new to add.

See here , here and here.

Basically; I’m heading down that path again; I’m setting myself up to lose. That knowledge is of no solace and bears no impact on how protected I am or on the damage that this failure will eventually cause. In the same manner, knowing that you are in the pathway of a speeding bullet, doesn’t dictate that you will be spared the searing pain of it tearing through your flesh or the agony that follows.

Anyways, in the words of my favourite superstar “cat… chase… tail… outgrew”.

For that reader: “yet I still do not fix it.”

I have seen the sun.

A simple claim. I have seen the sun. She went on to elaborately portray the scene. Her standing at her balcony observing the gigantic cosmic phenomena. Viewing the sun as if for the first time. Seeing it real close. Feeling its heat. Feeling the radiating warmth and energy. Seeing the sun up close and personal. Large. Domineering. Obscuring all other views. A vision in itself. The trees of the forest became tiny images on the exterior of the viewed horizon. She had seen the sun.

She witnessed the phenomena, the great sun hanging in the heavens. She identified it as a miracle, her ability to see it this clearly, devoid of any distractions. She stood there appreciating that sight; grateful for the gift she had been given. Fearful of what was yet to occur.

Without warning, the sun set. The glorious ball of fire dropped into the ocean below. She lost her breath and was overtaken with a wave of panic. She had seen the sun. She had lost the sun. As she had feared it had dropped from the heavens into the foreboding ocean below.

Clueless she applied that which she had witnessed to everything in her life. Deeming all good things subject to suddenly coming to an end. She became consumed with the thought that all good is temporary, all happiness short lived and all successes a fraud. She was predestined to lose all that is of value to her. She developed an extreme fear of tomorrow, of the upcoming second of the time when her suns will drop from their heavens into the ice cold water and die.

Only what she has overlooked is yes, the sun did set; only princess it sets every night. It is a sad but consistent reality. The sun at the end of every exhausting day drops beyond our horizon. No matter how strongly it shone or how cloudy the skies had been. It shall set.

Moreover I could say with equal certainty that every morning, the sun will come up again. A new sun if you will, but a sun nevertheless. A sun equally splendid and equally miraculous.

To a new day…

To you tsarina.

A friend of mine, a very bright young lady, has had enough with her current job and boss and is looking for a job. Only she has MBA payments which are giving her guilt complexes about quitting. Hence she is on a quest to get FIRED!

I, in the best of intentions, leave the following message on her facebook wall:

“How is the quest for the pink slip?”

Her response:

Asking someone who’s trousseau shopping about a pink slip in public!! Tub3an mo7′i ra7 lbe3eed! My dad was right next to me and I was blushing and tearing up min kotr elkessouf!!

THEN I REALIZED YOU MEANT THE JOB HUNT!!

Context people… CONTEXT!

Dear dear applicant,

When applying for a job kindly please note the following (and mind you, I’m not even HR):

• Please… for the love of God…  PUH-LEASE take the time to create an e-mail id for yourself that is some formal variation of your name. I can’t take anymore of the casual/funky/cool e-mail ids of the world!
• Don’t assume you know me! You don’t! There is no credit here… you don’t get to send me an excessively casual friendly e-mail asking about life, calling me honey and oh btw have your CV in there somewhere!!
• I don’t care much for cover letters, but even if this is my private e-mail and even if you know about this vacancy through friends, please have a little courtesy and take the time to write something, anything, in the body of the e-mail in which you’ve attached the CV. Don’t give me the impression that you are Frisbee free-style tossing the document in my direction!!

Lotsa love,

A potential boss!

Inclined to think that I’ve all dried up… yet here you go.. fresh from the archives (word files that never made it onto this blog)… enjoy.

Darkest Before The Light

Tired beyond description; just drained
All god’s creations, already blamed
It’s darkest before the light

When you feel no hope, don’t despair
Solutions will rise with time to spare
It’s darkest before the light

It is no longer about who is right
There are no reasons to prolong a fight
It’s darkest before the light

Take your hands to the air and pray
It will heal your wounds of the fray
It’s darkest before the light

When you wake up the next day
Stand up straight and say
Let there be light
And there will be.

20/10/06

Mahdy has successfully put me in such a Jibran mood.

Here is the dosage I’ve decided to share with you today:

The House of Fortune

My wearied heart bade me farewell and left for the House of Fortune. As he reached that holy city which the soul had blessed and worshiped, he commenced wondering, for he could not find what he had always imagined would be there. The city was empty of power, money, and authority.

And my heart spoke to the daughter of Love saying, “Oh Love, where can I find Contentment? I heard that she had come here to join you.”

And the daughter of Love responded, “Contentment has already gone to preach her gospel in the city, where greed and corruption are paramount; we are not in need of her.”

Fortune craves not Contentment, for it is an earthly hope, and its desires are embraced by union with objects, while Contentment is naught but heartfelt.

The eternal soul is never contented; it ever seeks exaltation. Then my heart looked upon Life of Beauty and said: “Thou art all knowledge; enlighten me as to the mystery of Woman.” And he answered, “Oh human heart, woman is your own reflection, and whatever you are, she is; wherever you live, she lives; she is like religion if not interpreted by the ignorant, and like a moon, if not veiled with clouds, and like a breeze, if not poisoned with impurities.”

And my heart walked toward Knowledge, the daughter of Love and Beauty, and said, “Bestow upon me wisdom, that I might share it with the people.” And she responded, “Say not wisdom, but rather fortune, for real fortune comes not from outside, but begins in the Holy of Holies of life. Share of thyself with the people.”

When I started this book a while back (loong while, but it kept getting interrupted by other readings) I had promised Nerro a book review.

Overall I liked the book. Partially because of the simplicity of the underlying plot and partially for the beauty of the translation. I realize the book was not originally written in English, but it remains for the beauty of its construction, an homage to language.

The story covers the lives and interactions of four main characters and a dog Each time resetting to tell you the same tale from the perspective of a different hero or heroine, painting the reality their shade of perception.

My only reservation is that the author himself obviously has strong political views, they at times felt imposed onto the book. Otherwise the book was very reflective of a cultured and diverse author. One with profound takes on philosophy, humanity, art and music and relationships.

I emerged with a lot of pencil markings of paragraphs I wanted to share with you:

Anyone whose goal is “something higher” must expect some day to suffer vertigo. What is vertigo? Fear of falling? Then why do we feel it even when the observation tower comes equipped with a sturdy handrail? No, vertigo is something other than the fear of falling. It is the voice of the emptiness below us whit tempts and lures us, it is the desire to fall, against which terrified, we defend ourselves.

Indeed, the only truly serious questions are ones that even a child can formulate. Only the most naive of questions are truly serious. They are the questions with no answers. A question with no answer is a barrier that cannot be breached. In other words, it is questions with no answers that set the limit of human possibilities, describe the boundaries of human existence.

Anyone who thinks that the Communist regimes of Central Europe are exclusively the work of criminals is overlooking a basic truth: the criminal regimes were made not by criminals but by enthusiasts convinced they had discovered the only road to paradise. They defended that road so valiantly that they were forced to execute many people. Later it became clear that there was no paradise, that the enthusiasts were therefore murderers.

The characters in my novels are my own unrealized possibilities. That is why I am equally fond of them all and equally horrified by them. Each one has crossed a border that I myself have circumvented.

That last one, I couldn’t agree more. If you want a book with a lot of action to waste time and burn daylight reading, this is definitely NOT the book for you. If you want an excuse to think, experience Beethoven, art, politics, mid-century Europe and an innovative take on philosophy and humanity, I believe you will enjoy it.

… would be the understatement of the year!

I interviewed a young man today, for a vacancy at our company. A young man who’s CV was so impressive that he could practically jump off the page and dazzle you.

First thing that caught my attention was that it said “finalist at the 2009 MIT business plan competition“; the very competition I had not been short listed for. So off the cuff, this young man had beaten me at something. I with the unhealthy competitive streak. I who am obsessed with winning. So naturally I call him up and have him come in for an interview.

He walks in, now this is a young man who’s vision is impaired. He had grown up almost blind. Books had to be read to him. Yet this young man managed to keep the fire within burning, maintain his commitment to excellence, and do so well at high school that he was the highest scoring individual in his year! Awwal elgomhorreya fel thannaweya el3amma!!

He gets a full scholarship to the AUC, where he breezes through the 4 years with the highest of honours. He dedicates substantial chunks of his time to giving back to society, to teaching those less fortunate. Having realized the first of his dreams, he sets out to make his mark in the field of business consultancy. Lands a job at a major local player and quickly climbs the ranks within the company.  A couple of years down the line decides to leave it for a customer and is currently the brand manager of what possibly is the biggest dairy brand in the world.

Now this young man is only TWENTY THREE. Yet he has got more brains, ambition and drive than anybody I have ever met. His future is crystal clear to him and it is so bright it burns my eyes (cliche I know). When I asked him what his plans were, he said, INSEAD MBA when I turn 26, on a scholarship. Then a PhD from an ivy league university. Finally become a partner at McKinsey, Booze or Baine.

His dream? To walk the earth revered and leave it remembered!!!!!

What do you say to that?!!!!

I am off the charts impressed and VERY humbled!!!

Back from the journey towards that elusive acronym.

Granted I’m doing it for all the wrong reasons, still it was educative and informative, and my self discipline has gone up a few notches.

A prayer for all of you planning on joining the ranks of those who Can’t Find Absolution in the future:

May all your questions be straightforward; may you instantly realize the difference between IFRS and GAAP; may your questions never contain the phrases most accurate, least likely, or closest to; may the definitions be obvious, the formulas memorable and the execution easy; may your first guess always be a correct one; may your ethics be in tune with theirs and may your calculator come through for you.

Finally, if you are actually in the Commission of Fine Arts exam center (then you know why I’m not blogging its name lest I violate one of their precious standards); may your answer selection depend on more than the fact that the past 6 questions were Bs and they wouldn’t have that many Bs in a row

Cheers!

I just spent my morning in Izzi overdrive with my eyes bulging out of their sockets and the word “SERIOUSLY!” on repeat cycle!

So I gave up my Alexandrian nationality, I re-issued a national ID with my Cairo address.  I xeroxed that new ID, my old passport, got photos taken on a hideous white background and was good to go.

Location: Agouza Passport Department

We stand in que to be given the application form. There are no surfaces which you can use to fill them. Be grateful for the invention of dry ink pens. You somehow manage to fill your form. You que again. You get assigned a window number. You que again. You are finally eye to eye with the woman who determines your fate.

Woman requests all the papers, takes one look at my ID and stops dead in her tracks. For profession my ID reads “associate consultant at Donald Duck and Sesame Street Egypt for Information Services” (or something to that effect )

Woman: That’s too long, I’m going to write “associate consultant at Donald”

Me: Hmm, either we write the company name or we don’t. I actually prefer we don’t. (I don’t have a track history of keeping jobs for more than 3 years, let alone for the 7 for which this passport is valid).

She: No, we have to. OK I’ll figure it out.

Dude behind her: Hmm, do you have a copy of your educational degree.

I hand him a copy of my MBA certificate.

Them in unison: We don’t accept certificates in foreign languages. Do you have a copy of your University degree.

I actually didn’t, didn’t think I’d need it. I had already submitted a copy when renewing the ID and they disregarded it and went with the job, so figured I wouldn’t need it. BIG MISTAKE.

Her: What does your old passport say?

Me: Student at the faculty of economics and political science.

Him: Since we have no way of proving you’ve graduated, I’ll just use your high school degree as a guarantee in case there are problems with your company name.

Me: I’m an IGCSE grad.

Him: Middle school?

Me: Was studying abroad!

So basically at this point I go psycho on his ass cause I can’t believe I need to prove educational information because he can’t make out what I do for a living. And apparently I’m illiterate by government standards since they have a language problem with my degree!!!!!!!!!!

So there you have it. I’m ILLITERATE!

If that wasn’t enough, she actually needed us to go to another window to verify that we’ve translated our names with honesty. Those very names and translations that appear in the old passport which she is holding a copy of and which they themselves have issued!!!!

I have focus/concentration issues. I’m not very good at doing one thing at a time. I usually play music to the background of whatever it is I’m doing to keep the sub-conscience entertained. This life soundtrack has been working so far. Only these days I’m experiencing the darnest thing. On a 24/7 basis I can see myself in my head on a backyard basketball court shooting hoops. This reel plays at the back of my mind while I’m thinking, talking, listening to music, studying, blogging, working and as I type this. I’m basically just going about dribbling and talking to my more conscience self as I take shots at the hoops. Jump shots and layups (wouldn’t dream of attempting a dunk even in a virtual sense). Funny thing is I have not played basketball since middle school, and wasn’t even that good back then. Even more hilarious, the virtual practice seems to be paying off as my good shot success rate is up!!!

On another note:

• They caught HER, but the police set her free.

• 6 hour CFA exam is on the 6th of 6 (yes I”m sure the devil has something to do with CFA exams)

• Oh, and I caved and gave up my Alexandrian nationality!!

A phrase uttered with a lot of love, disappointment and reproach!

Only I strongly disagree.

I wouldn’t dream of it in a million years. This is not faux modesty on my part. Yet an innate belief in destiny.

You must realize that this was your break, your time, your win. Your well deserved award. You had put in the effort. You had paid your dues. You had it coming.

Your individual achievements have triggered a chain reaction of events resulting in our very conversation. In you being able to assume that I could have been in your place. Yet had you not been there, I probably would not have been there either.

My time will come. The moment where you could sit proud and watch me shine. Yet this was not it. I promise you to make a genuine effort to claim my goals and conquer my challenges. I will become all that I am meant to be… all in good time

It is a gift, a blessing from God to exist in a perpetual state of niceness. To be able to be caring supportive and understanding all the time. To be an overall decent individual. It is a truly remarkable thing, moreover it is an issue of choice. One chooses to be all of the above or one chooses to be different, one may also go to the extent of being a complete bitch all the time.

The problem here, if any, is one of perception. Our society looks down on those seemingly NICE individuals, they are seen as weaklings with no personality unable to stand up for themselves. Can’t begin to tell you how untrue that is. The fact that one chooses not to be an obnoxious bitch is in no way an indication of their inability to become one if need arises.

It would take a lot to infuriate me to the extent where I would treat you like that; but if I were ever a bitch to you… know that you bloody well deserved it and that I most definitely am not in the least bit sorry.

I have the emotional intelligence of an 8 year old. I grew up in an extremely competitive family. A GPA of 3.99 is not 4. The sky is one’s limit. One must always play to win. Play fair, but play to win.

Now, for the past month, I have managed to NOT win at most of the things I’ve tried. I am actually currently the proud owner of a string of losses.

I did not make it into McKinsey.

I did not win the MIT business plan competition (albeit having honestly tried).

I lost a deal to S&P (and yes I realize how huge they are but it doesn’t make me any less mad).

I lost a deal to Booz and Co.

Will not give excuses, will not say how angry I am at how unprofessional the clients are being.

Yet the truth is, I define myself by my accomplishments, I am what I’ve done.

Now this statue of wins is quickly being eaten into by the worms of defeat.

I can’t take it anymore.

Dear Lord, I want a WIN!

Inji

P.S. I’m gonna go find me a PS3 and win at something trivial in an attempt to patch up the ego.

The Arab Republic of Egypt is conspiring against me to try and take away my Alexandrian nationality.

You would say that this is a tall tale as there is no such thing as an “Alexandrian” nationality, but the government seems to think there is one!

I’m Egyptian! To parents with national IDs with place of birth being Alexandria. Growing up my passports/national Ids have always had place of birth be Alexandria as well. I maintain the accent (which btw is faaaaaar more correct than Cairo lingo, 2al nizilt 2al!!). I spend every vacation moment possible on its soil. I dream of the sea. I have an Alex driving license. My car license plates read “Malaky Iskendereya”. We rent houses in Cairo since Cairo is temporary!

See, I’ve got Alexandrian written all over me! Yet I’m stuck living in Qaherit el Mo3ezz! Anyways! My passport renewal was due. I went to the lovely compound in Tahrir, where I’ve renewed my passport once before. Only to be told that she could not oblige. The new electronic government (Rabbena ye7meeha) is HIGHLY decentralized, to the extent that she couldn’t possibly fathom processing my request. Alexandrian? Go renew there! As if by being Alexandrian that no longer entitled me to getting an EGYPTIAN passport from any government outlet.

Me: “Hmm… ok… tab I’m currently living in Cairo, couldn’t you possibly process it, you’ve done it before!”

*Evil smile comes up* “No, this was when the two passports were the same.”

Me, with a very dumbfounded look “Huh?”

“Cairo is now issuing the new slick small computerized passport (which we are very late as is in issuing) which everybody should have by 2010″.

Me:  “Precisely what I want.”

Her: “Yeah, but in Alex they are still issuing the old one. So your options are as follows:

• Go to Alex, issue a new “old” passport, use it for 2009, then go to Alex again, issue a new “new” passport.
• Go passport-less till 2010, then go to Alex and issue new “new” passport marra wa7da!
• Go to another entity, have my place of residence changed on my national ID (WHICH I’VE JUST RENEWED) to my temporary Cairo residence. Come back to her and she’ll be more than happy to oblige and issue me a new “New” passport.”

Case in point ladies and gentlemen, an Alexandrian nationality is not Egyptian! We might as well declare independence, raise the flag and hold democratic elections.

So basically, given my need to travel on the spot (work limitation) and the fact that it is difficult to make shuttle trips to Alex on WORK DAYS!

The Arab Republic of Egypt is conspiring against me to try and take away my Alexandrian nationality.

Not sure how to start this, given that the event of the past month at our firm have been so unbelievable they have rivaled Hollywood great theft story-lines. I personally, had I seen this plot-line at the movies this summer, would have given the screenwriter in question hell about having an excessively vivid imagination and no disregard for the mentality of the audience. Yet here we are…

Sunday:

Boss calls me in to tell me that one of our staff will no longer be with us and that this is a head office decision.

I, naive as I am, ask if the company is downsizing. Am assured that the company is not, but there is an incident of check fraud so she can no longer be with us.

So far believable no? I mean she’s only human, she could have been strapped for cash and lost moral judgement and decided to forge our CFO’s signature on a check.

Monday:

CFO is flying in to sort things out.

Turns out that not only has she been forging checks and cashing them herself; she has been cashing checks made out to vendors (the bank is sooooooo getting sued over this), and inventing stories to vendors about why payment has been delayed. Going at times to the extent of issuing them official papers from the office (letterhead, signature and everything) apologizing for the delay.

A bit much? Highly undetectable and she could always have a buffer of total outstanding payables as she uses next month cash to pay off last month’s debts and so on.

Smart girl, dangerous, yet feasible so far!

Tuesday:

Vendor informs us that there was a complimentary laptop on last sale, one the office never saw and which she sent directly to her house.

They confront her at the office during handover; lock her in; take away her passport (this is a diverse nationality office); make her sign a statement confessing to all her crimes; cut her loose with the promise of payback within 10 days.

Unusual, but still not the stuff of cinematic “yeah right!”, no?

Wednesday:

Land-lord comes to collect the rent and we discover that the rent is  a much lower figure than the amount she had been paying for the past 2 years. We show the guy the contract. He shows us a different contract.

Discovery: She had two sets of contracts for every single long term transaction the company was in, office rent, guesthouse rent, maintenance, car rental, gardener services and the list continues….

She was making a monthly income of the difference and was forging invoices and signing on behalf of both parties. She was the company to the vendors and the vendors to the company! She had made replica invoices at a professional print house with serial numbers and everything.

Egyptian movie status? Indian? Hollwyood? Can you bloody believe her!!?!??

I’m still in a state of shock!

I’ve heard conversations that you only hear at the movies, I’ve seen massive firings, I’ve seen lawyers and cops, top executives have been flying in for weeks. In short it’s been MAD!

Yet between you and me… DAMN ENTERTAINING

Update: Forgot to tell you, when we reported her to her embassy, they told us we were the third company in her line of victims. Our seasoned embezzler has had lots of practice! When we asked them why we were not informed, they simply replied “well you never asked!”!!!!!

I felt disadvantaged while reading or reviewing this book. I started reading it as a Marwa Rakha fan. A fan that had never seen her tv shows, heard her on the radio or read her articles. Yet a fan nevertheless. A fan of the human being, of the persona.

When you start out with that mindset you end up with two possible results, either unrealistically high expectations of the book which render you disappointed (see my take on A Thousand Splendid Suns) or unable to find fault with it, liking it by default.

Reading the book felt like watching a mini-documentary. The images of your life that flash before your eyes when you think your life might be ending. I did not get caught up in the individual stories/articles; rather was more touched by the progression. This woman whom I admire greatly, I read as she transformed into the woman she is today. I read as Marwa Rakha grew, evolved, overcame challenges, fell in and out of love, vented, learned, had her heart broken and herself broke some hearts and egos.

The book is a collection of stories/articles about herself and about the dating scene in Cairo. Think of it as a Cairene’s version of the Sex in the City episodes; up to the inclusion of a Mr. Big (if you’re a fan you’ll love the book). Marwa Rakha bravely (some might argue foolishly) tackled issues such as independence, moving out, relationships, her take on Egyptian men & the Egyptian society, sex, porn and horizontal relationships (I think she invented the term, but it works ).

My heart went out to her as she talked about her relationship with her parents which at times she symbolized in the most beautiful of ways, I love the little story about her pet butterfly. At other times her cynicism left me smiling and laughing despite the underlying frustration of her disappointment in those men time and time again.

Her english is pristine and highly artistic as she utilizes metaphors, literary references and derivations. Whilst admitting that the Silence of the Lambs story freaked me out a bit, yet I found her musical chairs references, duck theory and rules of being a good girl entertaining.

For 210 pages I enjoyed the ride, the possibly fictional possibly auto-biographical hurt yet recovering woman’s take on love and life in Cairo. Then for 5 pages, she broke my heart. The book might have been light reading… and I’m one who never cares for book endings… yet she got to me. I felt like calling up the woman who has been nothing short of sensationally supportive and offering some support from this end. Only it is implied in these pages that she doesn’t need it, isn’t expecting it, that she is strong enough to persevere and that she will be fine. I seriously hope so.

Ummm, I think my elementary school tennis coach said it best:

Inji dear, you’ve got no follow through!

Rest assured you’ve lit a fire under me!

This morning, a delightful young lady, whom I think the world of, told me she “looks up to me”. I’ve been in an odd state of Zen since. I blushed hysterically and went weak at the knees. I had no coherent reply for her kind words.

Yet this very incident reminded me of one not too long ago, where I had looked up to someone. I had gotten the nerve to write about it at the time and e-mail it to her. I’ve dug it up to share with you.

يزعجها ميلي الفطري لتوجيه حديثي إليها باللغة الإنجليزية رغم معرفتها بإجادتي للغة العربية، قد يكون هذا ظناَ منها أني ألجأ للحديث معها باللغة لإنجليزية من قبيل التفاخر أو التعالي، أو سعياً مني لإيجاد أرض غير محايدة يكون لدي بها ميزة تنافسية. يا ليتها تعلم ما أبعد ذلك عن الحقيقة، آه لو تعلم أن سيل الكلمات الذي يقابلها ليس سوى تنفيس عن القلق الذي أشعر به، هروب إلى وضع أشعر فيه بالراحة، رجوع إلى اللغة التي أستخدمها دون تفكير حتى وإن لم تكن اللغة الأم.

وكيف لا أشعر بالرهبة في وجودها! هذا هو الشيء الذي يصعب علي إدراكه وتقبله، فإنني في العادي من أكثر الأفراد الذين أعرفهم غروراً وإعتزازاً بالذات، لكني في وجودها أفقد أي ثقة وأي قدرة على التركيز، ويصبح همي الشاغل أن أنال رضاها، أن أرتقي إلى المستوى الذي تتوقعه وأللا أقل عنه، أن أبهرها إذا جاز التعبير. كل هذا لجلال شأنها وتعظيم قدرها في عيني. وجودها ذاته يشعرني بضآلتي، يذكرني بكم أمامي من أشواط لأقطعها، بكم يجب علي أن أنضج.

أتذكر آخر مرة شعرت بهذا الشعور، كان منذ عامين في الجلسة الختامية لمؤتمر الإقتصاد العالمي بشرم الشيخ، كانت فخامتها الملكة رانيا ملكة الأردن تتحدث، لم أنبهر في حياتي كما انبهرت يومها، حديثها، طلتها، الكاريزما التي تشعها والتي شعر بها جميع الموجودين. أخشى أن بقولي الآتي قد أخسر ما تبقى لدي من رصيد لديها ولكنها الحقيقة التي تدور بخلدي، فإن لديها ذات الكاريزما، ذات القدرة على الإلهام والتأثير.

لا أبالغ إذا قلت أني منذ إلتقيت بها وأنا أزيد إعجاباً وتقديراً كل يوم، لولا خوفي من إتهامي بإنني أتصيد لها الأخطاء أو أني أبحث عن نقاط الضعف في البشر من أجل أن أصل إلى إحساس كاذب بالتفوق، لقلت أنني خلال السنة التي مرت كنت لا أنفك أراقب ما تفعله وأستطيع الجزم بأني ولأول مرة في حياتي أمام إنسانة بلا عيوب، إنسانة متصالحة تماماً مع نفسها ومع الحياة.

لا يسعني سوى أن اتفاجأ في كل مرة تعلق تعليقاً يحمل في طياته أن يكون رأيي ذا أهمية بالنسبة إليها، فأنني أرى أنني لو كنت مكانها لما كان سيهمني آراء بشر عاديون كأمثالي… وهي التي فوق العادة. إنسانة ذكية، مثقفة، رقيقة، بسيطة، جميلة شكلاً ومضموناً، أم رائعة، بإختصار أميرة في زمن أصبح كل من به رعاع. الأهم من هذا أنها تتنقل بين أدوارها المختلفة في الحياة جاعلةً كل ما تفعل يبدو في منتهى السهولة، غير عابئة بصعوبة ما تفعل، غير مدركة لعظمتها، لكن يأتي تواضعها متسقاً مع مثاليتها في كل الجوانب الأخرى فلا أستغربه.

ربما إن أدركت لما عادت تلك الأميرة الأسطورية…

إنني لا أكتب هذا في محاولة لإسترضائها، بل في محاولة لتبرير موقفي، لشرح تصرفاتي في وجودها، لتعذر لي أن قد تكون هذه أول وآخر مرة يسعني أن أعبر عن نفسي باللغة العربية.

Now, I stand to gain/lose absolutely nothing by this, no vested interest in the Pepsi or Coca Cola companies what-so-ever. However, I have a genuine curiosity and a love for the game they call Marketing.

So, kindly indulge me, humor me the airheadedness of my questions:

1) Did you watch/listen to the new Coca Cola Zero campaigns?

2) Are you male or female?

3) What was your impression?

4) For guys, did you feel the ad spoke to you, targeted you as a consumer?

5) Did any of the women find it offensive or irritating or both?

6) How many guys out there actually stay up late to watch an Arabic soap?

Was just talking to some friends about how badgered I am by the campaign, I feel offended and completely alienated!

For the Coca Cola company; curious, did your market research people tell you your target customers were young men aged 14-30? Cause the ad sure reflects that!

Just a thought!

These are messages to myself, you may not necessarily agree with them, yet they are lessons I need drilled into my thick skull.

• There is such a thing as being over- competitive; that intense need to win can be detrimental and can backfire. It can also eat you alive or cause severe depression when you lose.
• Sometimes, irrespective of how much energy you put in, a cause could be utterly futile.
• The customer is ALWAYS right! One can not decide they’ve had enough of a customer being unrealistic, un-informed, cheap, arrogant, stupid or flaky. Under no circumstance is it alright to snap at a customer.
• All good things come to he who waits. Must…practice… patience.
• Allow for circumstances. Just cause your bosses promised you things, doesn’t mean that they can’t eat their words due to “unforeseeable circumstances”.
• Just because you’ve done the work, is under no way a guarentee that you will get any of the credit.
• No matter how brilliant you think you are, it’s what your boss thinks that matter.
• There is no such thing as a job description, grow up and get over this point already!
• Never again work for a company with fewer than 20 people on the ground. More so if you are going to be the youngest member in the team.
• It is ok to be tired, exhausted, exasperated and suicidal. As long as you find healthy release.
• Crying is therapy.
• My best friend is bliss.
• CFA self-study was (and continues to be) a bad idea, was absurd to think one could teach oneself self discipline by studying to sit for the CFA exam without an institutional study structure.
• Your superiors can give you hell about not meeting targets, then pass a perfectly fine deal to another branch because they are scared of taking the responsibility of executing such a large project. WTF??????!!!!! (can’t talk myself into this one quite yet).

Drawn by the controversy surrounding Dr. Youssef Zidane’s Novel; I read the book with the unusual title*. The book then went on to win this year’s Booker’s Prize.

The book is a tale of a Coptic monk’s journey from Upper Egypt to Alexandria and then Syria during a time of turmoil in Christianity. The self-christened “Hepa” journeys both physically and spiritually as he encounters both enlightenment and temptation. At times he’s resisted at other times yielded to both, realizing in some occasion that temptation and enlightenment could be one and the same, sides to the same coin.

I found the book’s pace to be slow at times and the plot started out quite mundane but became more and more intriguing as it approached the end. Hypatia fans will be both pleased and shocked by Zidane’s depiction of Alexandria at that time and of the woman herself, her achievements and her violent demise.

I’ve had the pleasure of meeting Zidane in person and can assure you he is nothing short of remarkably fascinating. True to his background and education he was an interesting conversationalist who could cite evidence to support his claims from holy books and literature across the ages in multiple languages. When asked about the title, he responded that religions since the dawn of time had offered versions of God’s or deities who represent the higher power and embody all that is good or righteous. With the rise of Judaism; man sought the other end of the spectrum, a higher entity which embodied all that is evil, for otherwise man himself would have had to bare responsibility for his evil actions, hence the birth of Azazeel.

This post is to pay recognition to a complete stranger who’s turned out to be quite the friend.

A celebrity in our field has for some inexplicable reason decided to take an interest in my career. I had expressed my interest in changing companies in an older post. She then surprised me by asking for a CV. I didn’t give it much thought, taking it to be an act of compassion, I e-mailed it to her. Within the next few weeks she had e-mailed me contacts of influential people at possible venues where I may seek gainful employment. She went a step further sending my CV herself to the management of one of the top consultancy firms in the nation with her personal recommendation and some flattering words in my regard.

Now to be exact, she has never seen me, nor met me. Her entire enthusiasm, compassion and trust are built solely on a CV and this cyber-space. She has gone out of her way to assist me, not once and not twice. She was generous, helpful and incredibly kind. She stands to gain absolutely nothing of all this.

Now I’m not entirely cold blooded; I’d like to think that I’m an overall decent helpful individual, yet I find myself questioning if I would go that far out of my way to assist a complete stranger. Hence I am utterly baffled, flattered and immensely grateful.

I know that on rare occasion she frequents this blog of mine. So on the off chance that you are reading; you’ve rendered me speechless, I am highly appreciative and extremely honoured.